What's your opinion on this?

[Welllookwhoitisxo]

Partner and ex still do everything together with DC (5). They separated over three years ago. They go on days out, drives in the car, out for lunch, goes and spends time in her house, baths DC and puts them to bed.

I'm not allowed to meet said child, DC mum won't allow it. We've been together nearly two years. I'm not allowed to his when child is in bed, for fear child's mum will find out.

DC mum got very upset when asked if I could meet DC over a year ago. It was never approached again. DP doesn't like to upset her or hurt her feelings, as she is mother of child.

How would others feel about this?

I’m all for amicable grown up relationships with the ex that’s a co parent. I’m still friends with my ex h and I think it’s been good for our DS (whom is now an adult) however this isn’t a healthy dynamic imo.
it’s too much and they’re still to much of a family unit. They’ve not moved on imo.

I think you need to put your foot down and say while you’re happy for him to have an amicable understanding with his ex, he needs to move forward and he won’t while this arrangement continues as it is.

I agree with this being the main problem. It's not good that he didn't stick up for you or even really clock that it's upsetting for you to have gotten those messages on Facebook.

But also, she was messaging me saying what an awful dad he was, how he is dreadful with their LO. Yet she still allows, facilitates and pushes for contact. I personally would not be doing so if he was such an unstable father. She was telling me he's not the kind of man I should want around my DCs. Possibly he isn't a great dad, that's why she is so involved in contact. But if he was the kind of man you don't want around kids then, as you say, she wouldn't push so hard to have him around her own kids and so what she says doesn't ring true.

What was the cause of their relationship ending?

Regardless, your relationship doesn't sound like it's doing you any good and your DP doesn't sound like he plans to change their dynamic (for whatever reason) any time soon. You can do better than playing third fiddle.

Bin him.

It's never going to change and he's not going to man up.

@NotSoDishyNow It was most definitely from her yes.

Yes they are definitely not together. She is fully aware who I am, hence her messaging me.

The 'bad dad' remarks are made solely to put me off him. Very low thing to do.