What makes you love someone but not another?

[CrushSyndrome]

Why is it that you can have one person who you like, care about, enjoy sex with, have lots in common, spend loads of time with but you just don't fall for them?

Then you have another person you just can't imagine living without because your heart just tells you?

Why is this?

Sounds pretty infantile. Is this that limerence nonsense again?

I read a medical journal years ago about hormones and the subtle ques they send off. According to the article, if you met someone when not on hormonal contraception, you were more likely to stay together.

No idea if true etc, but been with DH 22yrs now.

I'm not talking about limerance, no. Although isn't all infatuation that to begin with.

I'm talking more about what makes one person the one you love and want to be with, when there might be plenty of other suitable options.

What makes that one person uniquely desired, wanted and loved

Pheromones and hormones linked to genetic compatibility - along with inherent preferences, social conditioning, situational factors and, of course, personality.

if you have un healed trauma then stable partners will seem boring / meh to you, and partners that recreate your childhood trauma in some way are the ones who give you butterflies and love and dopamine. Eg if you had a parent who was hard to please or distant you might find yourself instantly attracted to a hard to get or mysterious man

Sorry my first post sounded quite that dismissive, OP. Christ. I really shouldn't post after a long day.

I think smell is a big thing, though. My OH is the only person I really loooove the scent of.

The other thing is a bit of wisdom from one of the Anne of Green Gables books 😁- Anne of the Island, I think, where a girl can't choose between two blokes and it turns out to be a sign that neither of them is actually the right one for her. Then she marries a third guy after falling in love with him hard. I think I thought this a mere narrative device until something similar happened to me!

I read something recently which read "the sign of a good relationship is where both partners believe they got the better deal". I think it's really true.

Oh and I love my partners smell too, there's definitely something in that!

Well that's how we feel. I was just wondering why :)

Smell either turns me on or repulses me and I don't mean whether they washed and brushed their teeth it's more permanent and innate.

It’s a really good question !

I’ve been one and off with someone for a while and I ask myself the same as he’s an arse 😂

for him with me I think he fancies me , but I’m also quite nurturing which he likes

for me i fancy him physically but I like how tormented he is as that’s my place for some fucked up reason