Nearly 3 years ago, I found out that someone whom I liked had separated from his wife so I asked him out. He works as a postie and at the time covered my main postman on his days off. Initially he said yes but nothing ever came of it, so I just thought he was being polite and I moved on.
Because of his job I still saw him but avoided him where possible. We met up by chance six months later as his friend lives round the corner from me and it was at his house. It was during the world cup and he invited me round to watch the football with them. We kissed for the first time at the end of the night.
But nothing ever followed on from that and again I moved on, thinking it's too soon after his divorce for him and I accepted that. Six months later he added me on Facebook and sent me flirty messages occasionally. By this time I accepted nothing proper was ever going to happen and I was okay with this. He asked me out for a proper date several times but always cancelled them. In between his faffing about, I was dating other men but nothing ever worked out with them, either.
By this time, he'd moved into the street next to his friend so was living round the corner. And he was still my main postie's cover. Fast forward another 6 months he randomly sent me chocolates and flowers along with a note to say how he really wanted to get to know me better etc and I was flattered but not that bothered because of his track record. He came to my house that night for the first time ever and we had a further kiss and a cuddle but again nothing ever came of that, either.
I really wasn't bothered though, decided to keep him as a hookup when I wasn't seeing anyone else and that worked perfectly for me because he always said one thing but did another.
This year though we got closer but again I couldn't trust him after he repeats the same pattern time after time. He told me he loved me back in March and I automatically dismissed that because of the reason I've just typed in my last sentence.
But then in April I got pregnant and it was a complete and utter shock. I fell to pieces and told him. I was going to have an abortion if I ever got pregnant because I didn't want kids. He has 2 daughters with his ex whom his ex had stopped him seeing during that month. He used to see his kids all the time, so this upset him greatly. He was shocked but initially supportive and then it all went downhill. I told him I didn't know what to do after I initially thought I was going to have the abortion. My head was a complete and utter wreck. He told me the baby was nothing to do with him ... even now I can't believe he said that.
Eventually I did have an abortion but I was split half way over it. But back in April when I got pregnant he became my main postman as my other postie moved areas.
This is killing me. Before the pregnancy I could just take him or leave him, but now I've still got so much emotion for him. He accepts how he behaved was like a complete and utter twat and in a way that just makes it worse.
I see him all the time with his job and the fact the he still lives around the corner. I can't escape. After the abortion, we became closer still and he saw the way it destroyed me and he said that if I really wanted a baby he would give me a baby. I just think his words and the way he behaved are dispicable sometimes and yet other times I feel so much emotion.
How the hell do I move on apart from selling my house and moving elsewhere? I don't want to move but sometimes I think it's the only way. He's threatened to move himself, not over this, over something else but I don't know whether he is going to do that yet.