Hi all,
I hope you're well. My best friend and I were as thick as thieves from the ages of 19-32, having met as housemates. We saw each other through break ups, sickness and just the mess of your general 20s! I moved abroad to Amsterdam and her and her partner followed me over to live with me, we did everything together and every photo from my 20s seems to have her in it. It feels a bit like a break up that she's not in my life and I actually did some counselling sessions over it.
When we were both 29 we were in similar places, long term relationships (the four of us were very close), jobs, living near each other etc. Things changed for me when I went through a very bad, pretty traumatic break up. I spent the next couple years trying to 'find myself' again and we seemed to not relate to each other anymore. I was going out a lot, going on dates, feeling sorry for myself a lot and we started to drift a lot. Then my Mum got sick with cancer and I felt I was asking her to be there for me when she wasn't.
She sent me a long message saying I was bad for her mental health because due to the break up/Mum being sick she felt I asked a lot from her (this is true) and the whole friendship became about me. I am happy to own up to a lot of my 'messiness' those days and how she didn't understand my actions (dating horrible men, not being there for her when she got engaged etc.) but it was a really difficult time for me. I have since met a wonderful man, had a baby two months ago and am engaged since last week. I know she has married since we last spoke and it hurts so much I didn't see her get married but I would love to reconnect with her. I've sent her messages over the years and flowers to her house but haven't for maybe two years now. I would love to tell her my life is now in a better place, apologise for the past and hopefully have her in my life again. Any advice is appreciated (I found writing this post strangely difficult, it's obviously still hurting me deep down)