Was he being forceful for is it just me

[Becky000999]

I haven’t been sexually active for the last few months for some reason and I’m only 22 years old and I haven’t really felt that sexual urge with my partner for past few months and he has moaned about that before telling me it’s ridiculous because I’m only 22 so my sex drive should be higher etc etc just being upset because he hasn’t been getting anything that often .

last night I felt a bit bad but didn’t know what to think of this situation but I’ve been on my 🩸 for 4days and he kept asking me if I’m finished so said not to sure I need too have a shower quickly then I’ll see after as the flows a bit on/off . So he said go get in the shower now then so we can watch the rest of the movie and go bed so I said I will in a minute . I was just really tired so just wanted to chill a bit so he kept persisting on telling me to get in the shower and I numerously told him please like in a minute not now and then he wouldn’t stop so I just had enough and said fine and he’s said to me “your acting like I’m forcing you now oh my god” and smiling so I just laughed and said well you’ve said it yourself because I didn’t even say anything like that so you know yourself it does sound like that

is it being a bit forceful ??

This post is for a friend she’s wanted me too type up

@Becky000999 No man should pester and nag for sex. It can be coercive, sex should be something you do willingly, not begrudgingly or just to get it over with so you can reset the clock. Age has nothing to do with sex drive and at 22 I would be advising this woman to really look at this relationship and wonder what the good points are so she can see that it is shit and she should leave. Sorry, but if she was my daughter I would be horrified that her boyfriend was treating her like this

Red flags
"he has moaned"
"telling me it’s ridiculous"
"he kept asking me if I’m finished"
"he kept persisting"
" I numerously told him please like in a minute not now and then he wouldn’t stop"
"your acting like I’m forcing you now oh my god” and smiling" because HE IS she doesn't want sex with him. I wonder why.

What did you advise your friend?

thank you for your comment and I’ve said this too no wonder your sex drive is so low it’s the way he’s asking you for it , he isn’t even asking in the right way

Hes not really asking is he? Hes getting her flummoxed, panicked so shes gives in? That's coercion

It's a difficult one to call, but I'm sure if it was the other way around most on here would be saying ' he's clearly getting it elsewhere' or ' he doesn't fancy you' . No one should expect sex whenever they want but if you/your friend genuinely haven't been sexually active with their partner for a couple of months then there is clearly something not right in the relationship.

Are other aspects good?

Intimacy is what separates a relationship from a friendship and as a man I couldn't have a relationship if we went weeks, let alone months without being intimate.

Men have the same feelings as woman and if my partner avoided intimacy on a regular basis I would question why and feel a little rejected.

That said there is a right and wrong way to go about it, but ultimately a serious conversation needs to be had to establish why, and each others needs and wants.

Agree, more along coercion. Also consider he highlighted how it's now looking like he's forcing her to do it because that's what it is. Not physically forcing but coercive enough to make her do it even though she wasn't wanting to yet.

Everyone has needs, yes, but those needs should be met when both parties are ready, comfortable and willing.

I’ve just said to her it does seem a bit forceful from my point of view not physically but ….
she wasn’t too sure what to think of it so just said to her I’m going to ask on here for her if she just types it all up for me but didn’t know what to think of it really but apparently she just feels forced as he’s put it on her a couple of times on how she needs to be more sexually active for her age and I think it’s just putting her down to the point she doesn’t feel like doing anything

exactly I know for a fact some people would be saying that if the other way round 100% and I’m not sure she’s been really depressed herself and they’ve had a good few arguments then her feeling like she’s not doing enough for him etc I’m not sure think she’s just at breaking point

How old is he? The way you are phrasing her age makes me wonder if he's older. It does sound abusive to me.

There was once a period of months when DH and I didn’t have sex, didn’t know why at the time and it was crap but he went through a deep period of depression.

It doesn’t matter why she doesn’t want to, he doesn’t get to be a dickhead and force her by nagging until he gets his way. He gets to shut up and be nice or fuck off.

Nagging or pestering for sex is the quickest way to kill anyone's libido.

I'm wondering if the reason your friend hasn't felt like sex for a few months is the way her partner has treated her in the weeks/months leading up to this incident.

His behaviour is defiantly coercive and nobody should have to put up with a partner like him. intimacy is very important in a relationship - but being pestered into "giving in" is abuse. If your friends relationship is worth saving they both need to sit down and seriously talk about how they both feel about intimacy - explore the reasons why your friend hasn't been in the mood and importantly he needs to understand how his behaviour is likely to kill their relationship for good.

Age doesn't mean anything just because younger doesn't mean you're automatically expected to be up for it regardless.

She probably feels like a hole to be used rather than a cherished girlfriend. She feels forced because she is feeling pressured to have sex because he is constantly nagging her for it. Being 22 and not wanting sex 4 times a week is perfectly fine and normal, sex drive is absolutely not age dependent. This doesn't sound like a positive healthy relationship in any way. She needs to tell him to stop, she needs to tell him how she feels and if she cannot be honest that shows she is fearful of his response which again shows this isn't a mature, healthy relationship to be in.

Tell your friend to dump this awful sex pest who is coercively putting pressure on her.

Sex after pressure is RAPE.

If she is having sex with him under pressure, she is being raped.

This will have a terrible affect on her.

Tell her to dump him asap.

Good men do NOT behave like this.

Rapists do.

Tell your friend (and any woman who'll listen) to always pay attention to and act on her spidey senses. They're there to protect us.

This guy is an asshole. Tell your friend to wake up and get rid of him.