Competitive mum friend

[Throwaway202]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice about a friend please 🙏

So I have a friend whose baby is pretty much the same age as my baby. My friend is great and we get along really well but I’ve been noticing the past few months she’s getting more competitive and selfish regarding the babies.

For example if I mention my baby sat up by their self straight away my friend will say oh ‘mine has been doing that for weeks’. And when we talk about the babies she will only ever talk about hers and basically ignore anything I say about mine. If I do talk about mine the conversation will be brought back to hers. She gets competitive and lies about things like weights eg says her baby is a certain weight and is in a much bigger sized clothing but then a day or 2 later says a different weight. I know our babies are very similar in weight and they’re perfectly healthy weight I just don’t understand the lying about it.

She’s quite an anxious person and will admit she’s anxious but then again later on will say she’s not anxious. I try to ignore it and just focus on other things or the babies but honestly I’m finding it hard work. I want to be there for her as a friend and help her if she’s feeling anxious but I don’t actually know how to help.

Has anyone got any advice to deal with her/help her?

No, i would take note of this and be a bit wary

Some people can get very anxious after having a baby. If she’s been a good friend before, I would let it slide for the moment. Try and talk about the non-baby related things you used to. If it’s getting too much for you though, just step back a little bit.

It's a common thing, unfortunately! Maybe say something gently like you've noticed she seems quite competitive and is anything the matter, is she ok? if you frame it in a concerned manner it might chill her out or make her more aware of it. It all comes from insecurity.

She sounds very insecure
(and annoying and exhausting, I couldn't be arsed with that at all)
Sorry, no advice. She might need professional help with her issues.

She tends to be quite sensitive and I’m afraid if I mention anything it will cause her to get defensive and upset which I’d like to avoid but I think I might just have to bite the bullet and say something.

I tried casually mentioning about people comparing babies and she said how she hates it and her family does that etc but didn’t seem to realise she does as well.

She has suffered from depression in the past and actually is in a job where she now helps others who are suffering with mental health so she does know what to look out for but maybe we need to have a proper chat.

I think it is pretty common, but very draining, too.

No advice really - I would take a step back if I'm honest, which may not be the best way to deal with it but it is what I would do. Doubt you will be able to say anything to change it. I would definitely stop mentioning your baby's milestones to her or even your baby/babies full stop - talk about other things.

Distance yourself now, otherwise this will go on until the DCs go to university (probably longer, in fact).