Meeting his ex wife tonight, any advice appreciated please

[IrishMammyto2]

Myself and my partner are both married but seperated from our spouses. We now have a house together and a 5wk old baby, and my other two children live with us.

He has two other children, one of which will be 21 in a few weeks time. So....there will be a big party, and I will inevitably meet his wife, so it has been decided that we should meet up for a drink and "get it over with".

Its happening tonight, and while their split is very amicable and i have no problem with her i just feel that this is very contrived and cant think of any conversation starters at all, which is unusual for me as i am usually quite chatty.

Anyone got any little gems or pointers, been there done that experience?

Just realised i really should name change now as Irish Mammy to 3....

If I'm stuck in awkward conversational situations, I always chat to people about their children. Ask her questions about her DC's, for stories when they were growing up, praise her DCs. People love talking about their DCs and she will warm to you.

i should break the ice by saying u feel a bit awkward and then say about the party convo should follow easily enuf.....

Second everyone else's advice. Add that she will be just as nervous as you! Good luck x

However hard it is, I would really make an effort. Deffo talk about her children and how nicely they have grown up - say something along the lines of how delighted you would be if yours ended up the same.

I honestly think if you could have a reasonable, grown up, non niggly relationship with this woman - and there is actually no need to become best friends - that it would make lots of things much better/easier going forward.

Try not to drink any alcohol, because you are going to have to be very careful to be positive, tactful and not mention anything which could be misconstrued.

Start off with a compliment (but not gushy which could be taken for insincere) just "that's a nice necklace - I like silver" etc.

People usually like talking about themselves so just ask how her week has been, how her job is going.

If all else fails apologise for not being with it because you have been up all night with the baby. That should lead to a conversation about the joys of parenthood.

But she'll be just as nervous as you are so don't stress too much.

take the piss out of your dp, she will love it

She probably feels just as weird about it as you do! I would just try to be really lovely to her and be yourself. Make general friendly conversation ... talk to her about her children, compliment her on her shoes LOL

thanks everyone, i must say you all seem to have hit the nail on the head with your intrepretation of the situation.

Some great pointers which i would say are there instinctively but its fab to hear you say them and bring it to the forefront of my mind, such as not gushing about our new life, which may be perceived as rubbing her nose in it.

Also some great conversation starters, however i have now realised that my main concern is the initial reaction as we walk into the pub and if she is already there, just what exactly do i say???? or if we are there first and she has to walk over to us????? Do i shake hands or something? I expect DP will give her a peck on the cheek,maybe a hug, (which he does to all family and friends) what do i do right at that moment? Its only going to be the three of us.

MUSICGIRL: re not drinking alcohol, dont be daft, of course i am going to have a drink,
1 i am irish,
2 i can handle my beer and know when i have had enough,
3 one of the problems in their marriage was the fact that she couldn't and didn't do this and as a result quite often caused a scene, hopefully not tonight...
4 I am more likely to be so self concious if i dont have a drink that i will put my foot in it far worse than if i do.

Any way its only a quiet drink, and you lot are hopefully right in saying she will feel as nervous as i do, maybe i am thinking too much about it, when really i should be in the bathroom pruning and preening myself....

Now what the bl*dy hll do i wear, like i have so much choice 5 weeks post baby ...and what do the kids mean they want dinner....???

yes, shake hands. If you don't touch her at all it will feel so cold and stilted.

what to say first - introduce yourself. Say 'hello, I am xxx'. Of course she knows this, but you have to say something.
then you could say;
' I am glad to get a chance to meet you in advance of DSS's party, it would have felt awkward otherwise'
and she will say something
and then you are away!

okay if you havent gone already ... LOL I would ask hub to introduce the two of you as that will make it easier on you both.

DEFINITELY shake her hand - but if she goes to kiss your cheek then you should let her.

Love what iheartdusty said "' I am glad to get a chance to meet you in advance of DSS's party, it would have felt awkward otherwise" - this is perfect!

Ohh and wear something gorgeous that you feel comfy in -- she's probably worrying about the same thing! Go for smart/casual and you can't go wrong.

If you have some ... wear some really great shoes :-) that always makes me feel better!