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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Argument with husband

15 replies

sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 16:03

Yesterday me and husband came to blows yet again over housework im a STHM atm as I'm in mat leave we have a 7 months old and what started as a little argument over the couches not been pulled over and hoovered under resulted in him telling me I'm a "tramp" can't do nothing I don't have a "job" so everything should be done!!
He left this morning haven't spoke to him in just feeling very sad at the whole thing I don't just sit on my arse all day like he thinks.

OP posts:
Motnight · 03/10/2023 16:20

He called you a tramp?

That is outrageous.

amiold · 03/10/2023 16:22

Not helpful or constructive but honestly tell him to fuck off.

When you go back to work tell him to take a week off and leave all the jobs you do to him.

If you're not going back to work, go somewhere for a few days and do the same.

See how clever he is then.

Also, rather be a tramp (not that you are) than an arsehole.

Zanatdy · 03/10/2023 17:45

Agree this is outrageous. I would be locking him out or packing a bag and leaving. Absolute ass hole

midlifecrash · 03/10/2023 17:52

He checked under the couch? WTAF?

PaintedEgg · 03/10/2023 17:55

im pretty sure the dust bunnies underneath my couch are developing space travel...

who the hell is this pedantic and then calls his partner a tramp over something so stupid?!

Littlepetites · 03/10/2023 17:59

I’m currently off on maternity leave too and there’s days I get sweet feck all done. I’ll actually text my husband and say whoops nap trapped so house is a tip and he doesn’t care as long as the baby is happy. I had a full time very stressful finance job and raising a child is soooooo much more stressful. It’s hard being at home raising a baby and that baby is the most important thing, the house can go to feck! You shouldn’t live on eggshells, you shouldn’t HAVE to do all the housework just because you’re at home all day - I can guarantee you’re far busier than him at home with a baby. And even if you just want to sit and relax, what about it?? You’ve earned it. Your body has been through a traumatic journey and you’re working your ass off by virtue of being a mother. Tell to him fuck right off. Or better still ask him to stay at home for even a few days and you go out during his working hours and see how much he gets done. Ffs I’ve just hoovered upstairs for the first time since my baby was born and it’s only because DH is on a half day and was able to sit with the baby whilst I done it!

soddingspiderseason · 03/10/2023 18:02

Crikey, that's appalling. Calling you a tramp when you've got a young child to look after? Tell him to hoover under the bloody couches himself if he's that bothered by it. Seriously, this is abusive. Make it clear that you won't tolerate this behaviour. If you need to, consider being on your own with your baby. Despite all the hardship, it's far better being on your own than having your self esteem attacked in this way.

QueenofTheSlipstreamVM · 03/10/2023 18:09

Have you seen that joke, where husband comes home from work and the house is an absolutely utterly mess..muck everywhere.. pots in sink.. nothing cleared away or tided up. Kid mucky with a sticky face. Toys all over. Washing all over etc etc.
Husband asks if been burgled it's that bad..
And the wife says " No we haven't.. when you ask me what I've done all day.. well today l didn't do it"

Original poster
sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 18:48

QueenofTheSlipstreamVM · 03/10/2023 18:09

Have you seen that joke, where husband comes home from work and the house is an absolutely utterly mess..muck everywhere.. pots in sink.. nothing cleared away or tided up. Kid mucky with a sticky face. Toys all over. Washing all over etc etc.
Husband asks if been burgled it's that bad..
And the wife says " No we haven't.. when you ask me what I've done all day.. well today l didn't do it"

That's a great idea I honestly might do that just to prove a point I'm
Still fuming especially cause he's tried to come home and pretend nothing happens

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/10/2023 18:52

sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 18:48

That's a great idea I honestly might do that just to prove a point I'm
Still fuming especially cause he's tried to come home and pretend nothing happens

Show quote history

What does he do exactly?

Original poster
sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 18:53

He's owns his own joinery business works 10 hours a day

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 03/10/2023 18:59

sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 18:53

He's owns his own joinery business works 10 hours a day

No, what does he do at home?

and op, go back to work after mat leave.

Original poster
sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 22:19

This is the problem he doesn't do a lot at home must admit he is tidy like he'd never just fling his jacket on the couch always does dishes ect.. but he does expect the bulk of it to be me as I'm at home. He also can't cook I do all the cooking

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 04/10/2023 22:36

sleepdeprivedma · 03/10/2023 22:19

This is the problem he doesn't do a lot at home must admit he is tidy like he'd never just fling his jacket on the couch always does dishes ect.. but he does expect the bulk of it to be me as I'm at home. He also can't cook I do all the cooking

You're not a sahm, you're on mat leave. What happens when you go back to work? Will he still expect the bulk to be you? And why would he expect that?

how much of the parenting is he doing?

how has his life changed since the baby was born?

if he cant cook he can learn. Tell him it doesnt matter how good it is, he is making meals at the weekend.

StonwEd · 05/10/2023 08:02

It’s not can’t cook, it’s won’t cook. No excuse for that in an adult man. Or a teenage one tbf.

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