Does anyone know of any forums that support women in absive relationships?

[Bansheed]

My friend is going through a dawning realisation. I had suggested Lundy Bancroft and she was in tears and said some of it resonated. I, of course, want to help but am massively under qualified. She needs somewhere to talk.

Any ideas?

Start with Womens Aid

but also you/she will get lots of help on here - post some specifics, people are very supportive

I second Women’s Aid, and doing their Freedom Program will be invaluable to her.

If she is at immediate risk of harm she should contact the police.

She's not in immediate danger. More low level, for a long time. He is just controlling and unpleasant. I had already mentioned women's aid but she wants 'to do more research'. There are children etc ( adamant that they don't see anything, but who knows). He has never been violent, she promised me that. More intimidation and temper, when the kids are not there. That's when I suggested that he knows what he is doing.

I'll suggest here, but she knows I am on it.

If she's more of a boiled frog then I highly recommend her reading the Relationship board here. She doesn't need to make an account.

I thought i was in a long but slightly rocky marriage then one bored day I found Mumsnet. That board opened my eyes and made me realise I was being abused and had been since pre-marriage. Speaking to various GPs, Women's Aid, local Refuge etc have all confirmed it which shocked me even further.

I had normalised the abuse, and I still find it hard to accept that I didn't see it.

@Pixiedust1234 I am sorry that it happened to you too. Why do they do this?

The short answer is - because they can.

Even psychologists don't know all the answers but I guess it starts with them feeling inferior and having a cruel streak, with ability to hide behind charm or humour. Although the type of humour can be telling. As an 18yr old I didn't know enough. As a child raised in a household with a similar abusive man and a boiled frog mother and societal norms of women/girls being inferior to men/boys I was the perfect "mark". I look back at our early years together and how he acted within his own family and I scream internally at not seeing.

Be kind to your friend and know it is a slow and winding journey. When I first "saw" I nearly had a breakdown. My reality was no longer real, my world was tilted and I was suicidal. It took me 6 months before I accepted my marriage was toxic. I'm still struggling to come to terms with the word abusive but I've started the divorce process so it doesn't really matter hides head in sand

This may not be perfect but could be of some use
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?wwwRedirect

Oh! A massive hug to you! What an awful thing to have your reality shattered. Best of luck, I wish you all the strength you need.

Thank you! Will pass it on

Maybe you could send her links to some of the longer more supportive threads on here that seem similar to her situation. She can just read/reflect/research without engaging herself until she’s properly ready.

I expect there are women who have posted here but have missed the tide/been hijacked by horrible people and have not received any support, or worse, so that wouldn’t be helpful for her.

Not mumsnet unfortunately. While posters here are really knowledgeable about marital abuse and the many forms it can take, there is often a bullying 'what are you going to do about it OP?' undertone which I think is intimidating.