I don't know what my DP likes about me

[Draines]

Name changed. We're not married but together 25 years and I've no idea what he likes about me physically or personality wise.He's never told me. I've asked him and he doesn't say anything. I've complemented him. He is a quiet type, it was the same when we first met. I told him I love him a few months ago because I meant it. Nothing back from him. We're 50 and Ive always initiated sex, he's lucky he's got someone still as keen for it. Every so often I get utterly bored of all this. I've told him and he doesn't change anything. He has ogled plenty women, made comments/complimented them Infront of me. Nearly left him because of it a few times because he's able to use the nice words to other women. Admittedly, other men have been interested in me and honestly I've been tempted. I know I'm attractive and keep in shape. Now I'm realising that I'll no doubt die never knowing if he actually fancied me.Feel so fed up and full of resentment.Give me your thoughts.

Why are you still with him? Is my first thought

He sounds like a waste of space. Never complimenting you or making you feel loved or wanted or fancied but ogling and complimenting other women is very emotionally abusive.

Agree with PPs, he doesn't sound like he brings much to your life.

What are the good things about him? Do you get on well? Enjoy spending time together? Make each other laugh? Or is he just this quiet unresponsive creature in your life who ogles other women and deigns to have sex with you when you want it? If the latter, I'd end it and explore those other possibilities who might make you happier. But if there's other things that are great about the relationship - and you do say you felt moved to tell him you loved him - then it might be less of an issue as long as you feel attractive in yourself. But that doesn't sound like it's the case and he's getting you down. Definitely don't stay in this situation till you die, that'd be tragic. What's the next level from telling him and getting no response? Does that mean he understands how much it upsets you or does he need a rocket up him in some form? Have you ever talked about leaving because of how it makes you feel?

If you've told him how this makes you feel many times over the 25 year period you've been together and nothing has changed, nothing will ever change. He either isn't capable of change, doesn't care enough about your feelings to change or is utterly lazy and can't be bothered.

He sounds a cold fish and damaging to your self esteem. You don't have to put up with it. You're only 50 with many years ahead of you that could be filled with fun, love and someone who will appreciate you. Only you can decide if he is worth staying with and sacrificing that opportunity for.

I'm amazed you've stayed with such an uncommunicative man who gives you no feedback whatsoever and never shows or says he fancies you. Why? What is your life like? Is he very wealthy? Do you not have to work? Do you spend your time at the gym, having facials, seeing friends, taking lovely holidays, pleasing yourself - and is that why the relationship works for you? I'm just baffled at how anyone can stay in a relationship for 25 years that seems so unfulfilling!

Thank you all for the relies. I needed to hear your straight talking. I agree it's emotional abuse. I've said the likes to him over the years. I've stayed because he was a great father when kids were young and he makes me laugh. We get on fine and there's never been money issues. I've always worked too. No I don't and never spent my days doing lunch, gym. We both had bereavements, caring for relatives etc to deal with over years. Alot going on.

Hi op the thing is if he doesn’t make you happy or make you feel loved and wanted then I don’t k ow how you have managed to stay so long, especially when he ogles other women and compliments them! I just think that is really cruel! Has he ever cheated?