OLD - would you ask about this?

[Bluebamboozled]

Matched with bloke (aged 50) on Tinder, had some chat agreed to meet. Both self employed so have some flexibility on days etc. I had last week offered to meet this morning for coffee (he works in evenings so says free most daytimes), he said sorry can't do Monday next week, can do any other day. No issue, thats fine. Today he has been quiet all day, didn't respond to my whatsapp from yesterday evening until late this afternoon. Not an issue, but perhaps relevant. He asks about my day blah blah, ask about his, 'oh just pottering around at home' doing nothing. I thought oh, odd said was unable to meet today, but clearly could have, then the silence all day is odd. I think probably on another date, which again is fine, I haven't even met him - but why would need to hide it if that is the case? Supposed to meet tomorrow and feeling like can't be bothered. I do feel like asking oh I thought you had something on today so couldn't meet..... see response

unfortunately both my last two partners were compulsive liars so I am prickly about lies!!!

Move on! It’s dead in the water.

He might have had to go to a meeting this morning where bad news was shared. He's currently not up to chatting.

Yep, could be, but should I ask, or just point out the difference, or ignore
I could ask in person tomorrow

I think you need to be more laid back
you haven’t met yet
he may have had a perfectly legit reason why he couldn’t meet today but he hasn’t have to answer to you
I’m not saying this to be rude
If you’re not feeling it, don’t go
or give it a chance - it’s just one meeting of a stranger
don’t make it any more or less

It could be something private he doesn’t want up talk about yet.

Don’t automatically think the worst. If you want to ask him then make it light and casual. If you interrogate him, it will backfire.

I like a day of cleaning , ironing , batch cooking
In my jammies with shit music on .. potter all day
Could he just have felt like a day at home ?

Let him make the effort so if he doesn't confirm the meet up etc then you know where you stand. If

Maybe he was waiting for delivery or something that mean he had to be at home that day?

It could be quite personal, or really quite mundane.

might be the anniversary of a death/birthday of someone he’s lost. Didn’t really do much, but also didn’t want to let the day getting drawn into chatting to someone he’s recently got to know.

If this is the only issue, I think you’re being hasty.

I think with old it’s easy to overthink. Go for the date and see. One rule I do have though is they need to be good communicators. At first I would chase up if I hadn’t heard from someone for a few days. Now I think they can’t be that interested and they need to make an effort too. I won’t do all the work. If they like you they will try harder!

Thanks for responses, yes I think I am being over the top so will go on date this morning and see... eek
Did I mention his whatsapp profile pic is not very attractive, but OLD ones are... worried they are old ones! I haven't been on a date for um probably 18 months so either way it gets me back out there. If its old pics on his dating profile I'll end date after half hour and get on with my day.

I think you've had some good responses. It's good to be vigilant for red flags but overthinking can find them where they don't exist.

I think probably on another date, which again is fine, I haven't even met him - but why would need to hide it if that is the case?

This is also possible. You say why would he need to hide it but, equally, why would he tell you? He might feel it's good manners not to talk about going on dates with others. When I did online dating, I just said I had other plans/was busy. But he might just have had a busy weekend and just needed a rest/to do his own thing without the pressure to make sure you were seeing him at his best!

I used to approach first meets with the attitude that I was going to have a conversation and a coffee with someone new and it was always going to be better than spending that time cleaning my oven or something. I never had expectations of it and didn't even consider it to be a 'date'. It took all the pressure off and meant that I sometimes spent a couple of hours speaking to someone I'd never have met otherwise, would maybe learn something new and got in a bit of 'dating' practice even if i knew immediately i didnt want to see them again. It was a great way to approach it and meant I was never disappointed either. It was either someone I thought I'd like to see again or not and both outcomes were OK with me.

Hopefully all goes fine with your date today. 🤞🏼 if you don't like him you can always call it short and move on. I did online dating for several years and had some bad/hilarious dates so if nothing else you can look back in few years time laughing.

I plan in downtime days and wouldn’t arrange a date on those. Maybe he was just pottering around at home because that was what he had planned to do!

You don't know him yet, he doesn't have to tell you everything he is doing all the time. I think you are overthinking this.

Yes just go for coffee and see.
I find it all difficult to navigate. It’s possible he was on another date and as you say, could’ve been honest about it but I think even if there’s an understanding people are multi dating it’s a bit dick-ish to mention it so I can understand why he didn’t.

Or just doing anything else he’d prefer not to share at this stage eg doctors appointment or something

Oh just let it slide. Honestly it could easily be that he literally doesn't want to go out on a Monday but didn't say it. I know what you mean though about lies, my ex would talk about white lies but the trouble is lots of little lies just make a liar. Meet him, but if you see a pattern of lies, get rid. Best of luck and enjoy your date.

That is the biggest possible stretch!