How to be friends with someone prone to drama

[Secondguess]

I'm looking for advice on how to be friends with someone who you like a lot, but find can be very dramatic/attention seeking. It seems to happen most when other people are around (we go to evening classes together) and not very much at all when it's just the two of us. Thoughts and ideas welcome!

I have had this situation and found it really difficult. In the end, I had to withdraw from the friendship for my own sanity. I was always in her shadow and they had to be heard above everything else. I ended up really resenting her for it.

What are they like when you are one-to-one, do they listen, are they supportive?

I had to withdraw from the friendship, was to stressful.

My advice is don't be friends with a drama queen.

Ugh, emotional vampires. Eventually, it becomes very tiresome.

Everyone ends up involved in the drama, they make sure of it

Just see her on a one-to-one basis where there's no audience to impress?

She can be supportive when we're out together, but I find that when we're in a group (like the evening class) even if we're just chatting ourselves rather than talking to other people, she seems to be looking for sympathy - and although she can be a bit "woe is me" generally, it ramps up in the group setting. Or maybe I just notice it more.

Do they get through alot of friendships? If so avoid. If not keep them at arms length, it's mentally exhausting even if they are brilliant entertainment.

I think in the past I have been in some way attracted to these types as friends because at their best, they can often be a lot of fun.

It has never ended particularly well for me and I'm very much of the arms length mindset now. my experience is that sooner or later they suck you in and spit you out.

Watch them from afar while surrounding yourself with calm, consistent people is my advice.

In the end the drama took away all the enjoyment of the friendship. Even if there wasn't a drama going on at that particular moment I still couldn't enjoy being with my friend because I never knew when the next problem would suddenly occur.

I stopped contact and although I was sad about the end of a friendship, I felt a lot better knowing I was free from the dramas.

Watch out for narcissists, especially the covert types. Very prone to drama. Not good to be around tbh.

Don't.

They drag you into their dramas and are just using you, in my experience. At best they are friends who are selfish and draining. At worst, well, I had to get the police involved to get me out of a situation they landed me in.

Done it twice, never again.

Sounds like she is highly anxious in social situations so has to exaggerate and heighten events to draw attention from others. I suspect that she had quite dismissive or preoccupied parents who never heard her.

Its interesting that she behaves like this to attract attention in public but is calm one to one.

If you want to maintain a friendship decide to only ever meet / interact in specific environments - that’s if you can be bothered and are sure that the friendship is mutual, equal and reciprocal.

Also ask yourself why you feel a need to absorb her needs.

These are questions I reflect on myself re an old school friend. The pay off for me is she was a huge part of my childhood but I only see her for quiet coffees - never in a bar where there is alcohol or a hectic environment. I also don’t answer her calls in the working day (even though I could) as she has no boundaries.

I make her wait rather than respond to her instantly.

However I would never take in another friend like this as an adult - she is a remnant / relic of my childhood.

I know she is a good person and she makes me laugh but her behaviours in public are bizarre.

She’s a victim. And every victim has a villain. Eventually the villain will be you.

What you’re really describing is her attempting to manipulate the group for sympathy. It is not worth the inevitable drama and I would distance myself from a person with these unhealthy traits.

Good advice on here, I've watched a few people systematically fall out with everyone around them and despite doing my best to avoid it, it's eventually been my turn.

Highlights include something which involved national newspapers and something which involved the police.

I now steer very well clear.

Drama queens are hard work and often leave people drained, frustrated or stressed. In my experiences, the friendship often hits the rocks as they are very egotistical.

I recommend starting to gently distance yourself from this woman.

One thing someone else said jumped out at me that all victims need a villain this is spot on I wish I'd steered clear of the friend I had like this they tend to create drama if it isn't already there and she ended up creating the biggest drama of my life having an on and off affair with my husband for years including while I was pregnant and then tried to make me the villain in the whole story just for a dramatic tale for her fb friends, avoid like the plague !!!!!

Walk away it never ends well.

@Limeeinthecoconut your DH is 100% the villain here. I am so sorry he destroyed your life whilst you were especially vulnerable in pregnancy. I hope life is better for you now.

@nosta - can you emotionally detach in your head?

Imagine a huge cold sea between you.

I wouldn’t take the bait. I wouldn’t meet her pace or energy.

Drop the rope. Don’t feed it.

Do ‘grey rock’ - give her zero info about your life. Only ever respond in a bland, vague non committal way - if at all. Same phrases....with low, dull, monotone, flat energy.

Bore her - so she can’t evoke and then get off on escalating your energy.

Don’t feed her.

Stuff like. “I dunno” “Not sure” “Could be” “No idea” “Errmmm” etc.

She will then try to be an emotional vampire on someone else if she can’t get any traction and drain you.

Oh he definitely is but so is she she was like my sister for years obviously all fake I know that now, for a long time I blamed myself and allowed them to make me think I was crazy and it was post partum depression making me paranoid it's getting there slowly thankyou 😊

@Gloriously sorry just worked out how to tag haha