I am just wondering if anyone can relate/advise.
Bit do back story-
Husband and I were together just shy of 10 years. We have 2 children but he wakes out on me when I was 4 months pregnant with our second. It happened completely out of the blue. Whilst I get now he wasn't happy and I'm totally at peace with our break up, I never saw it coming because he compulsively lied to me and led me to believe we were in a happy and secure relationship.
He was awful to me post break up. He threatened to take the children off me whenever we fell out. He Blaine's me for abosokutekt everything and completely destroyed my self confidence to the point where I had to speak to women's aid and I recovers CBT therapy and counciling.
Since she's met his new partner he seems more settled and less intrusive. He sees the children but they live prodominetly with me.
Anyway, fast forward to now.
I don't know whether it's due to the previous trauma of what I went through, or something unrelated but I am really struggling with separation anxiety with my children. I have this fear that one day they will leave me, they will just go and live with their dad who has SO much more to offer then me in terms of a bugger house, more money, a family with his new partner.
I worry whenever I'm poorly about not being able to look after them.
I worry that he will just turn around and threaten to take them off me again and they will go.
I love being a mum so much, I don't want to be anything else. I have a social life and work and go to the gym, but nothing brings me more joy then thinking of my children.
But this anxiety is giving me so much stress and is making me feel so disposable. I just can't believe that someone I love so much won't leave me.
The more I write this the more I realise that this is probably still do to with the trauma of what I went through.
Will I ever feel settled?
I'm just about to start my second cbt course.