Dating...when you're not perfect or skinny!

[notperfectorskinny]

I've been single/unattached for about 6 years and I think I've become very 'comfortable'. I have a good life, nice home, decent job, good friends etc but I also now would really like to meet someone. I'm mid 40s and kinda fat (3 stone overweight) and I keep putting off OLD 'until I lose some weight' but as anyone with a lifelong weight battle knows, that's easier said than done.

I'm sure there must be men out there who appreciate a curvy woman (without it being a fetish) and so I'm wondering if anyone has met someone while they weren't at their best/happiest weight?

For the record, I'm making a good effort to get healthier (eating well/exercising etc) but in reality, this struggle will never go away and I'm sure my weight will fluctuate in years to come.

Should I wait till I feel like I'm in a good range or are there blokes out there who aren't just looking for the slim ones?

Just do it - I’m a size 18 and have met someone amazing. Had to wade through some erm challenges though. Go, be your most fabulous self- no time like now!

Just do it - I’m a size 18 and have met someone amazing. Had to wade through some erm challenges though. Go, be your most fabulous self- no time like now!

Sorry double post 😬

I think you need to reframe your thinking and stop believing that thin women are "perfect" because I've been big and small and I am still the same person on the inside and I'm just as lovable (and imperfect) when I'm overweight as when I'm underweight or a healthy weight. Why do you think that size is the attractive feature men are looking for? Maybe dig deep and work out where that hangup is coming from so you can enter your next relationship from a place of security.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I mean it kindly because I'm worried from what you've written that in the place you're currently in, you'll go out there and put up with any absolute tosser who makes you think he's doing a favour by dating you when you are worthy of love from a good kind and caring person who won't take you for a ride financially, housework wise or any other way.

Just do it.

The opposite might be true. You meet a man who likes you for who you are. You lose weight and they don't like it 😂

I think you have to remember that everyone likes different things. If you are happy and confident that's the thing that shines through and someone will appreciate that and you.

I like curvy women who are sexy.

I do not like skinny women.

I have been overweight since forever. Didn't put off men and I was the one saying no to tons of them until I met my now DH. Do it!

Wow, this has really hit home.

You're absolutely right. Why is "perfection" deemed by weight?!

Oh yes, I understand what you're saying! I have a deeply rooted mindset of not liking myself that much when I'm not a 'good weight'. I just assume that men won't find me attractive because I've got extra flab!

I definitely wouldn't settle though. Did that once before and went through a world of pain. Never again.

No one is perfect. Don't put your life on hold.

Equally, do things to build up your confidence - OLD can be brutal and you probably will get some knocks to your self esteem along the way, you need to be able to rise above it rather than let it crush you.

I was quite overweight when I met dp. I'd still like to be fitter and have plans for that but I genuinely don't think it makes much difference to him. (I'm not going to say no difference at all). Anyway, he's great and I'm very happy.

I really should not have used the word 'perfect'. No one is perfect!

We could waste our entire lives waiting for things to be perfect to do anything!

The right person will like you for you. And let's face it, many men in their mid 40s are likely to be less than perfect too! Attraction is important, but at this stage of life it generally isn't just about looks.

There aren't oodles of 'perfect ripped' men either. Just go for it.

Maybe a good way to look at it is are you only looking for ‘perfect’ men or would you be happy to meet a man with ‘a good life, nice home, decent job, good friends’ but a bit overweight.

There’s your answer.

@Colourfulponderings Sounds like my perfect man to be honest! 😘

Would you be willing to date a man who is a few stone over weight? People deserve and find love at all shapes and sizes but I think someone who values keep fit and appearances will be looking for someone similar so it depends what kinda guy you're after

Ps I've said it a few times on here but if you quit booze for two months and do the diabetes Uk recommended diet your weight will drop off in that time. It's the only thing that worked for me and I'm now the slimmest I've beeen in a decade after being about a stone over weight for all of my 30a

3st isn't too much overweight. At 50, and 3st over, I had loads of offers - fit, cuddly and really overweight. Some who just don't have chemistry when we meet, even if they're otherwise fine; some who turn out to be wankers one way or another; and one very gorgeous amazing man. 😉

I met my dh when I was at my heaviest- but I was also at my most confident having worked hard to build my confidence and love myself first. I think confidence is more important than weight tbh. Someone who's happy confident and fun is always going to be attractive. So focus on yourself and go into dating remembering how much you bring to the table!