Not getting a honeymoon

[Suzanna786]

I didn’t get a honeymoon after the wedding because my husband was short of money. In my culture it is custom that the groom pays for the honeymoon so he delayed it for a few months. However in these few months he injured himself so we couldn’t go on holiday at all.

Now one year later he is still recovering but he’s a bit better so he decided to book our first holiday. I have always dreamt of my honeymoon destination to be somewhere exotic/ once in a lifetime. He wanted to visit his favourite holiday spot but I told him many times that I did not want to go there for our honeymoon because it is a fairly local flight that is more common for holidays rather than honeymoons, and also he had already been there 3 times so it wouldn’t feel special. Regardless, now he was more stubborn to go there because he thought visiting there could help with his recovery. Although I didn’t want to go to this country, I agreed because I wanted to do what was best for his health and also he reassured me that we would visit another country later on for our honeymoon.

As this was our first holiday I thought we would have a fresh start and make some good memories but tbh it was really disappointing. There was hardly any communication between him and I, no romance, no flowers etc. We’ve had a terrible first year of marriage (which he blames on his health) so I already feel unloved, not prioritised etc. I expected extra effort to make up for the year but I didn’t get that. This holiday made me realise just how bad our marriage is at.

Nothing about this holiday felt like a honeymoon but now that we have come back from this trip he is saying that this was an expensive holiday so we will no longer have a honeymoon. I’m so disappointed that this was it and I won’t get anything better than that. I feel really cheated. He has been to this country many times so he knew how much the spending would be. He knew I didn’t want to go there for our honeymoon. Am I being unreasonable? He keeps saying I should be understanding/ thankful for the effort he made despite his health problem.

Why not organise and pay for the honeymoon yourself? This way you get to go exactly where you want.

Better still, say youve come to realise he is a liar and selfish to boot so youre divorcing him.

What was the health issue and why did he think this particular place was going to help him with it?

Was this an arranged marriage as you don't appear to know each other very well or even like each other!

He had an accident that he still isn't recovered from a year later, so a pretty massive accident?

Op is this a love marriage? Did you know him very well before you got married?

You sound too immature to be married. Did you ever actually love him?
As the 'honeymoon' hasn't measured up to expectations, maybe you should ask him to upgrade the engagement/wedding rings for something blingier?
Or maybe he could upgrade you for someone who isn't so high maintenance?
Better luck next time round!

Why are you focused on a honeymoon when the two of you seem to not get along well, nor possibly like nor love one another?

Was this an arranged marriage??
You two seem like you don't know each other well and are incompatible.

You are high maintenance and want things he can't provide.

If you have money, why don't you pay?

You’re married, why do you need to wait for him to pay for it. Why not now book the holiday you want and you pay for it?

Seeing as you don’t seem to like him very much, you’re never going to be satisfied, let alone excited in a “honeymoon”. Save the money and go on your own or with a friend to a place you actually do want to travel to.

Unless there are cultural reasons or family pressures stopping you from divorcing, I can’t see this marriage lasting. No point wasting money on another honeymoon.

I’m completely missing the point here but who gets flowers on holiday?

Anyway, I’ll add to the chorus of other posters- sounds like you and your husband aren’t happy together and you have bigger issues than a holiday, OP.

On particularly honeymooney holidays the hotel will sometimes have a package where you arrive to find the room full of flowers. Not my thing, but not unheard of.

You are too immature to participate in a healthy, committed, adult relationship. Do both of you a favour and get a divorce before you bring innocent children into this disaster.

I have to agree with everyone else.

You seem to have some kind of 'fantasy' idea of what is actually just a time to 'go away as newlyweds'. People have all sorts of different budgets, energy, expectations, and time / AL. There is no "expected" honeymoon.

You don't seem at all concerned about his injuries or his health.

Getting flowers on holiday is a bit odd to my ears

Once you are married, then surely your money is all part of your budget as a couple...... I'm all for having some individual spending money, but big items like holidays are surely something you both need to agree on

What was special about the place he wanted to go that meant he could be helped with his recovery there, rather than another destination?

Why does he not value your input / opinion about where you might want to spend your first holiday together ?

Obviously you don't have to answer my list of questions, just pondering outloud that this seems a much bigger issue than a choice of destination for a honeymoon.