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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex-H being difficult - children involved

2 replies

SpringSephora · 01/10/2023 23:48

My alcoholic ex-H left to go travelling a couple of years ago - long story but it turned out he went 3000 miles away to meet his online girlfriend. Lots of lies, upset and trauma later, he spends several months there, with her, on a travel visa, so not working. He comes back for a month, does some very minimal token parenting then flies out again (I assume his girlfriend pays). My application to the CMS was pointless - he pays nothing as he neither works nor claims benefits. More upsetting is the fact he's really not there for our children. FaceTime every day, WhatsApp messages, etc. are great, but not really what the children need. They need their dad here, spending time with them. His family don't want to be involved; they're of the opinion he can do as he pleases. Which I suppose is true.

I applied to the organisation connected to REMO about maintenance, but as he's not officially earning, they can't make him pay anything, and I guess no-one can be forced to be a parent, although I am appalled for the children, who miss and live their dad. It's hard, as a single parent. I work long hours. I have a number of chronic health conditions.

Any positive words of encouragement or sympathy will be most welcome.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 02/10/2023 10:18

Just be the best parent you can be for your children. They will figure it all out for themselves one day. My dad was not remotely interested in me. He had a son before me who he was also not particularly interested in. When I was a child, my mum was wonderful and present and created a lovely life for us. I saw it all for what it was. Yes, I suppose it must have been a little bit sad to not have a dad who was actively involved in my life, but I was surrounded by people in my life who really treasured and valued me, and that made the difference. My dad died when I was late teens, but I never felt like I missed out on a relationship with him.

SpringSephora · 02/10/2023 13:41

Thanks for your reply. It's such a sad situation, particularly as he was very much present until fairly recently. I'm glad you have a wonderful mum.

OP posts:
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