I have had enough

[Honeybu]

Online dating is so hard to find the right person. I have been on since June and had about 5 dates and none worked out, I have a lot of matches will chat with lots and handful will be chatting for a while but not getting asked for a date. What’s the catch are women asking men out now? What’s your advice, I’m chatting when I feel connection.

Sounds like pretty normal experience for OLD. You have only done it for a very short time period whilst people do it for years before (if at all) meeting anyone. So I can only suggest trying to meet people IRL.

OLD is a painful experience, you have to develop a thick skin and accept it for whatnot is,

It is a full time job, a number game. A tiring one at that, which is why people get the app fatigue.

Keep going, take a break, don't take it personally. Set boundaries.

One of mine is arrange a date if you like that person within 10 days. Obviously life might get in the way but if no date arranged move on.

Set yourself clear rules and boundaries.

One of mine is. If you can't txt me back within a day or so, you don't have time for me or for dating. So don't waste my time. I'm in the apps to meet someone, not wait about for them.

What I mean is. If you're on the apps, then you need to have the time.

I'm with you all the way OP it's exhausting and fruitless, I have recently deleted OLD apps and don't plant to get them back. The whole process is crap, having to have the same conversations over and over with different people to mostly discover OLD is full of weirdos!

It is indeed full of weirdos and I think if you have standards like me you find it difficult to find a boyfriend. Low standard you can get one quickly as lots of them on their. I don’t go out much as full time job with two young kids so OLD is my hope .

It's the main way when you get older.

I do feel sorry for women. I always ask women about their experiences.

I might get 1 like every month. I know women get 100 a day and have to trawl through men just trying their luck, sending dick pics or who are just a dick.

I'd like 100 likes a day for my ego and self esteem but it would soon become tiring.

Just keep going and change your mindset. OLD does work, but it is awful.

Unless that is. You want to go to a nightclub and pick up men 😂

@Lucious1000 I’m on tinder and I have 100s of hey sexy, hello etc I don’t have time to go through it all and pick the reasonable ones it’s nightmare.

I’m mid 30 and a lot the guy I talk to are either don’t want relationship as they just come out of 20 year relationship or have nothing going on with their life at 35. “STILL FIGURING IT OUT” what do they really mean?

Tinder is notorious for a hook up site. Perhaps try something else?

@Lucious1000 @baileys6904 can you recommend any decent site, I have only started using OLD since June this year. Thanks

Tinder will offer you a discount eventually. I pay £14 a month when it comes up and I can be bothered

I think I've had much more success with Hinge. I hate having to fill out the stupid questions in your profile, but it seems more like people there are looking to date. It's free, had about 6 dates in 2 years and not paid anything. All lovely dates. but not for me. You can pay the membership if you want.

I'm also on Feeld. It's advertised as a alternative site. That's a bit strange that one. For me it's interesting to see people who say it like it is and what they want. I'll let you figure that one out 😂

That's what I use. OLD is painful, but you'll get used to it over time. You'll use it for you and not how it makes you feel.

I was on and off apps for a few years and am now completely off them and will never go back. Some people are lucky but I found the down side definitely outweighed any good side (not sure there really is any). Those men who don't ask for a date and keep chatting don't actually want a date - its probably an ego boost.

Thanks @Lucious1000 will look into that, for dates. Would you suggest if I’m chatting with someone and getting on for me to ask the guy out instead of keep waiting? @anotherdisaster I totally agree with the dates

Of course.

Start now! Take Control!

Tell every man what you like, what you don't like, what you will and will NOT put up with.

I know what it's like to have low self esteem.

Value Yourself.

I’ve used bumble and much prefer that as women have to make the first move so you don’t get inundated with “hey sexy” messages.

You have to match first and then you send the first message, so you’re in control of it a bit. Of course there’s still the odd creep on there and plenty who just want to chat without going any further for whatever reason, but I’ve also met some lovely guys on there and had plenty of nice dates. (I’m late 40s so it really is slim pickings!)

I’m on a bit of a break for now, but will probably pick it up again in the new year, as I have a busy few months at work coming up. Meanwhile I’m hanging out with someone I met on there, we have dinner once a week or so, and we’re good friends (who occasionally shag) so it’s not a dead loss! Definitely my favourite of the apps. And I’ve never paid for it.

Thanks I was never sure if guys will look into it as I’m desperate.

If you think you are desperate then times that by 100 billion for me 😂

I try to teach my kids. If you don't ask, you don't get.

My friends don’t like bumble as they like “alpha” types and want a man to make the first move etx but I’d rather have someone who isn’t intimidated by a woman talking to them 😂

“If you don’t ask you don’t get” my thoughts exactly
I have a very good career which I worked hard to get and was never shy to ask/ apply for countless job applications until I landed my dream job, and I’m very happy . but when it comes to men, I would like to approach them ask them out but society say wait as a woman 😣. I have to say when I’m in a relationship I like the guy to take the lead that’s just me, off course not to be control.

I don't get it. We live in an equal opportunity society, society has changed. You can do as you please. Men want and like it.

There are plenty of men on Tinder who are married who are craving that bit of extra attention. So if they won't meet straight away, then you can pretty much assume they are.
I would also gain enough information to "find" someone on SM. I have lost count of the catfish and married men that I've encountered. One man told me his wife had died and there she was, very much alive on Facebook! I collect phone numbers (you can always block them) for "research purposes". Keep yourself safe.

Tried online dating and failed and tried again and failed again for the best part of a decade. Here's what I learned.

There are an awful lot of men on there looking for a shag.

There are a lot of men looking for emotional intimacy without even meeting the other person.

There are men on there looking for a relationship.

It all depends what you want, but l wanted to find someone to settle down with. So I decided to change my mindset drastically towards the end.

I stopped investing in guys who seemed cute right from the off and treated it as a numbers game. Would you expect to meet 5 men and one just happens to be the love of your life right out of the bag? Not realistic. So rather than invest in one or two and waste my energy talking to them and forming an imagined connection, I treated it as an introduction service, set up several first dates per week, and met my partner pretty soon after that.

@Ladybyrd 🥰 congratulations on your success, did you ask some of the guys out? I was putting too much emotion into n the OLD. I will try i your approach.