He's rattled

[Christonskiis]

My ex has found out that I have spoken to his other exes to compare stories and is rattled.

We were discussing money and me getting back what I owed and I said something about him not being as squeaky clean as he would like people to believe.

He's an abusive arsehole, coercive controller, sexual predator and all round dick. I think he full well knows now that I know exactly what he is. Eek.

Good. Let him squirm. Are you safe

It is amusing me somewhat.

I am safe. Thank you for checking. I changed all of my locks so he has no access to my property.

@Christonskiis
He is your ex. Do you really care what he thinks? You are his ex, should it matter to him what you think about him?

Tbh, are both wasting precious time giving any thought let alone time playing Sherlock about the other.

You both would be better served forgetting about the other and moving forward with your respective lives.

You are each a part of yesterday. Why are you involving the other into your todays?

@Mari9999 I spoke to his exes as I genuinely felt crazy. There was all this abusive behaviour and he denied it all so I asked them their experiences because although I knew it had happened, I wondered if I had made it up.

Our recent conversation was just about me getting repaid for what I was owed.

Respectfully, it appears you don't really know what it is like to come out of an abusive relationship. You are very lucky.

With the greatest of respect @Christonskiis are you still engaging? Stop. You will feel so much lighter.

@Fuckthatguy I'm not.

I got the majority of the cash back, told him I knew more than he wanted and that was that. He since carried on messaging but it has stopped now I think. I've not looked at the device he isn't blocked on for a while.

You are giving him head space - ‘and I said something about him not being as squeaky clean as he would like people to believe’. He’s not even worth that level of thought.

Well done for blocking him though, keep strong.

Please continue no contact...Also, leave his exes alone. If they are victims of his abuse as well, the communication and bringing him up could be very triggering and even more traumatic.

It was very inappropriate of you to contact them...especially if you gathered contact information prior without their knowledge or consent.

Perhaps therapy would be beneficial for you.

You might find that you can put it all to sleep now. Hope so, for your sake. Sometimes we need to work things out and turn things over to get closure. Good luck

@Burntouted they were more than happy to talk and gave me more names of people who had been involved with him. I'm not going there though.

I know I would be happy to talk to any subsequent females who he is involved with too, because it is so confusing.

I thought long and hard about it and went through all possible scenarios before deciding to go ahead.

@Parlourgames I do feel like that, yes.

I have spoken to police as well and feel like I have done as much as I can.

For a long time I felt I wanted to warn his next victim but she obviously won't believe me so of course I haven't done it. I believed every word he told me so why wouldn't someone else.

Sometimes people need to be left to make their own mistakes and learn the lessons, it's not my issue now.

I understand fully why you did it. An abusive relationship can leave you reeling, destroy your self confidence and make you question yourself, if it helps you heal that’s a good thing. If he’s been good to them, they’d have nothing but nice things to say about him, it’s his problem if it bothers him, he can’t control who you talk to. I hope it has helped you at least a little to see the common patterns he used and to heal.

@Sapphire3 I was worried that they may turn around and say that he had been good to them. Of course he wasn't though, one confirmed the same patterns with regards to sexual coercion and the other confirmed lying and cheating.

I was very careful when I was reaching out through and did try not to cause alarm.

But yes, I do think it is helping me to heal.

Not a great experience but I will always trust my gut now.

Well I’m glad you did it. An abusers best weapon is silence. His worst nightmare is being outed, and leaving his victim healed rather than confused and questioning yourself. Well done, I hope it really bites him in the backside

I think his current partner will be the one who fucks things up for him massively due to work implications. He's been treating women like shit for 18 years and I highly doubt he will have changed since earlier this year.

I said at the start I couldn't wait for it all to unfold from the sidelines but I'm not even interested in doing that lol. Crack on, I genuinely couldn't care less.

Please just try to move on now. Go no contact, you don’t need any further reactions from him. You have the bigger picture which will help you process things and hopefully move forward to a happier future. That’s what I’m doing in my situation. In my case a lot left unanswered, and I haven’t spoken to anyone from his past, but as the months go by I am healing from his unfaithfulness and gaslighting and all the rest he’s done. Being fully no contact has been what has helped that the most x