If you were very hurt at how relationship ended, would you keep no contact going, even after 3 years?

[Frendz]

Almost 3 years since I was dumped over the phone after a long term relationship, where he turned cold and said some things that hurt a lot. I know everyone is entitled to end a relationship for any reason though.

I haven't really seen him since, we haven't spoken as I didn't want to remain friends. My living situation has now changed and I'm going to be living near him and am likely to bump into him. I'm long over the heartbreak, but I still would rather not have much to do with him - I'd say hello, wouldn't ignore, but wouldn't want to engage further. Is this being petty?

No it's not petty.
I went NC with an ex, blocked him on phone and social media. I needed to heal and he was no good for me. He said can we be friends, i said no.
Tbh if i seen him and he tried to say hello i wouldn't reply, but that's because he doesnt deserve my time or breath, he hurt me so much. I wouldnt give him the time of day.

It’s not petty. It’s self care.

No, it’s not petty. I would do a quick hello/nod of acknowledgment but would absolutely resist attempts at conversation

nope not petty. He handled the matter poorly and you can crack on being polite as you would to anyone else - but maintaining a distance emotionally.

Myself and boyfriend were shat upon with a group of friends during covid and the most they get from me is greeting, eye contact and that’s about it. To me they have been relegated to folks I know to nod to from the pub/walking the dog etc.

Does he deserve or need more - no.

Thanks for the great advice. I was just wondering if, after a period of time, one is expected to forgive and forget or have moved on from how they were treated.

You can have moved on, even forgiven and forgotten, and still not bother with the person.

Time doesn't equal a clean slate or an obligation to give the person new chances.

Acknowledge him if you want to be civil, but it's fine not to engage further.

And it's fine not to have forgiven someone for their actions too. As long as you're not actively brooding on wrongs and hurting yourself with anger/bitterness, then still thinking (when you do think of him at all) he's a dick who was unkind to you is fair enough. As long as you're not putting much energy into it 😂

You don’t have to acknowledge him ever again - he is just one person out of 7 billion

Nope not petty. I gad something similar hsporn to me. Full of deceit. I didn't block because i know I would never reply to any message he might send. In the unlikely event I saw him again I would say hello, that's about it. Relationships end but this does not have to be done cruelly

No it's not petty, and mind you don't get hoovered back in because of some politeness issue.

Even without the backstory, you don’t owe him more than a nod. (You don’t even owe him a nod, but civility makes life easier). Honestly I’ve known so many female friends tie themselves in knots around staying friends (or not) with exes when there’s absolutely no reason to.

If there are no kids involved there’s no need to maintain contact is there? If you bump into each other, a superficial ‘hi, how’s things? I’m living here now’ is enough. No need to bear grudges and be awkward, but you don’t need to go deeper than passing pleasantries.

Not at all; if I saw an ex of 10 years I’d say hi but nothing else. No interest or reason for a conversation for me

My ex also wanted to stay friends. I declined.

@Frendz good for you! Staying friends is his attempt at keeping an eye and reins on you so he can worm his way back in if he doesnt find anyone else who will put up with his shit

Yes, I don't understand it - is it a social pressure on women to "be nice" or some weird thinking that it gives the guy the power somehow cos revealing he hurt the person? Which makes no sense, cos the fucker knows he did, it's not fooling anyone.

It's just letting men off the hook, I think - treat women anyway you want and they'll still give you the time of day and make nice, cos god forbid a bloke might get snubbed or have to face some social consequence of being an asshat.

Unless you're literally living next door to each other, living in the same place means very little.

My ex lives in the next town I spend most of my time in and live a 10 minute drive from. I've never seen him in 4 years!