Is this bloke interested in me or am I being daft

[bemorebernard]

Bit of background

I worked with someone for a few months very closely and we got on really well
At the time he was in a relationship and I was in a relationship with another colleague he knew

My ex partner was really abusive and my colleague knew this and was really sweet and supportive, he once told me I was worth so much more and if he'd been single he'd have asked me out and thought I was beautiful.

I was sure he just said this to make me feel better but it worked because the guy is absolutely gorgeous and probably out of my league by a few barrs! He was a perfect gent at all times , and he got another job in a different dept as did I , I split with my abusive ex and have been single ever since . Happily so , few forrees into online dating which I found awful so decided to just stay single

Recently I got a message from the lovely colleague asking about a position which has come up in my old dept. We were chatting by text about it and I said although I'm not in that dept anymore he should go for it and explained how I'd found it

I've had some significant health issues recently which are treatable but have had an impact on my quality of life and he said beats his reason for wanting that dept due to injury

I asked what the injury was and it got no,eh because it's an exercise related i muni shall we say , a delicate place ! We had a laugh about it by text and it got a bit flirty and jokey , and during the course of the texts I said something being single

I was joking about my dishy hospital consultant when he said " are you single then ?" And I said yes have been since I left dickhead ex , I'd also accidentally sworn cos of auto correct and he said something like "don't swear it turns me on " with a jokey emoji

He said well I'm on holiday at min but when I get back I'll pop and see you (which I presumed was for a coffee )

He then said " I'm having flee a bar some woman here is coming on to me , I'll be in touch " the woman he referred to wasnt me btw 😂

Now I don't know if he's still in a relationship or not and didnt want to overtly ask because it would sound a bit obvious so I said "oh god was xxx (his partner from last I knew him ) with you ?

He's not answered which I'm guessing is cos he's on hol but sounded more like a lads holiday if he was out at a bar without his OH ....so I'm trying to work out if they've separated or if I'm being led up a blind alley .

I've read the convo to two girlfriends and they were like omg he's totally interested in you you idiot ..... but as I said he was always a perfect gent , he's very calm , considered , never acted in any way in appropriately and I'm sure if he was still in a relationship he wouldn't have taken the conversation in that direction.

I'm actually nervous because I absolutely fancied him when we worked together (secretly ) he is absolutely gorgeous, his smile used to melt me and and we got on really well as colleagues, lots of joking, banter but always professional. I really don't think he's the type to cheat . I certainly are t interested if he is still with a partner but the way he was speaking made me think he's not .....but he is out of my league . He's extremely good looking. Very fit in all ways . I'm not . In any ways . 😂

What to do wise folk of mn ,? Wait and see if he does indeed get in touch for a coffee ?
Keep it causal and act disinterested?
Ask him if he's single ? (Which makes it obvious I'm interested and I'd rather not make a dick of myself tbh )
Meet him if he gets in touch with the mindset it's a friendly catch up to chat about the job he's after ?

Aargh !!!!!! I've just got absolutely comfortable being a single woman, I've already had a mate hit on me since this new me but now I'm confused !

I've said nothing overt. I don't want to. I darent. I'm not desperate, I'm happy as I am , I'm independent, but if he was interested then I would be but I just can't see that tbh .....what's the verdict ? Kidding myself or detecting a hint of interest ?

Yeah it def sounds like there is some chemistry and flirting going on so I would say he is interested.
You need to establish he is definitely single before getting into any more flirty chats.
Perhaps he heard you are single and that’s why he’s messaged, it does sound promising but absolutely ask next time he messages - are you still with X or are you single?
Don’t let it be a wishy washy answer either.

Yeah I'd already resolved to do that before any further contact I'm just scared he'll go "omg why do you think I'm interested in you !!!" And then I'd feel stupid

I've been single 4 years now so just thought that's how it is and I'm happy with it , since this realisation that I'm perfectly happy in my skin and as a single woman I've had more men hitting on me than ever 😂. One is a friend's husband and while flattered I shut that one right down at the first moment I realised what he was doing .

As a PP said, you need to make sure he's single, but it does sound like he fancies you too. I would go for it if there's no other woman around. Treat it as a bit of fun and wee what happens.

My experience: If men are interested in you they will walk over broken glass to be with you, you won’t be able to stop them. If they aren’t interested in you then attempting to pique their interest will tire you out and damage your self-esteem. The conclusion is that you do absolutely nothing at all, because if he’s interested, he will be beating a path to your door.

I would wait to see if he gets into contact for a coffee, and if he does, treat it like it's a friendly catch up chat.

Yes he sounds interested in you, but he might be interested in sleeping with you, whilst keeping his girlfriend, or he might just want friends with benefits situation (especially if he's out of your league looks wise and you're not rich).

Either way, find out
A) He relationship status; ask him when in person about his girlfriend, it's harder for guys to lie in person, than over text, as body language etc gives it away.
B) Ask him, if he says he's single, is he enjoying the single life? Obviously a player can lie and tell you what you want to hear at this stage. But if he's relatively honest guy, he might just come out and say, he's not looking for anything serious, and just wants to have fun.

At least that way, you'll have a better chance of knowing where he's at.

Ok

I'm doing nothing.

I've left the conversation open . He said he'll make contact and I said we should definitely catch up over coffee .

If I see him in person I can judge much more accurately what's going on , whether this is a friendly catch up or something else.

Thank you . I'm not twisting my self into twisty pretzel shapes any more , done with that bollocks !

Excellent plan…. do nothing, if he gets in touch, he is interested and then have a coffee face-to-face you can start finding out if he is single and all the rest of it.

So was all this convo happening whilst he was on holiday or in a bar? He sounds unprofessional if so and I’d be cautious.

I'm told I'm attractive, but I do t feel it at moment , gained weight due to being more immobile

Feel about 90 currently but prognosis is good

I find him very attractive, he's a body builder , no steroids involved but very committed to a regime , always made me lol at his little protein packed snack boxes I always joked it was worse than weight watchers

I did once tell him I'd pay for a calendar just to see what he looked like under his shirt 😂. in context it was a bit like the diet coke ad where the guy strips and all the women go for a snoop , he always seemed really shy but something always told me he wasnt and had a really cheeky side and he did , found that out when we worked together closely , and we had many very serious conversations in confidence where we both told each other things we probably wouldn't share with others about our lives .
We just got along really well .
I think I might be a bit older than him , I aren't sure . Only by a few years but I am not beach body babe or gym bunny , so seems improbable that he'd be interested.
My ex also did a real number on my self esteem . Which is why I'm single as I don't trust myself, I became a sitting duck for users and time wasters , but I've toughened up massively now.

He's on holiday and I, off work so he texted to ask me about a job in my old dept , how is that unprofessional? We are friends on social media and always stayed sporadically in touch. He wasn't at work and nor was I. This was a conversation as friends .

You know him and I don’t, but I wouldn’t be enquiring about a job when I’m in a bar and telling the other person, whom I might sense is a bit interested in me, that I have to flee as women are chasing me.

You say your self-esteem is low ATM so I’d wait this one out, see what happens when he’s back. Good luck.

Yea I'm just going to leave things open for a coffee

At least when/if you meet for coffee you've got the perfect opener to find out -

"hey, anyway, you never answered my question - what did [wife's name] think of you having to flee the bar?"

Yeah that's what I figured

The conversation started mainly about the job in my old dept and got a bit flirty but if he was on hol in a bar could be booze talking

He also said he would pop and see me where I swing that to yeah let's go for a coffee

I aren't having anyone at my home under these circs

The conversation was a bit flirty so I didnt just cut him dead , so hopefully if he is single he'll pick it up and make contact and if he isn't I'm happy won't meet for coffee and just a catch up .

I think it sounds positive!

From your first post it sounds like you've already asked him if he's with his gf and he's not replied yet?
If that's the case I don't think you need to take the advice from some PPs and contact him to ask if he's single.

If he messages you again without responding to a pretty basic black & white question it's not a great sign.

Hopefully he is single 🤞🏼

Yeah I asked if he was in holiday with his girlfriend.
Cleverly disguised )not ! 😂.

I'll just see if he does get in touch or not
Now - I'm not chasing him .

If he is interested he will make it happen.

This. You will know if he’s interested because he’ll be in touch. If he’s not interested there’s nothing you can do to change that I’m afraid.

Definitely the best idea to wait and see whether he messages or not! But does sound promising

What did he say when asked if he was on vacation with his girlfriend?

If he was single her would have said so then in my opinion.

He must know I fancied him, and when he said if he was single he'd have asked me out I said if I was single I'd have said yes .....

I'll just wait and see . I dont want to appear desperate. I'm not desperate.
But I would certainly go out with him if he asked and if he was single . I do t fancy many men at all , his smile did something to me 😂. He has dimples and a cheeky smile , seems shy but says things that seem much more knowing and always made me laugh .

He once protected me in a very volatile situation. He pushed me out of the way (being chivalrous) and just seemed to suddenly fill the room with his presence . He always made me go a bit funny 😂

He'd already left the conversation so I haven't had a reply . He won't be short of women throwing themselves at him if he is single of that I'm sure .

He may be interested but I think it’s striking that the conversation stopped when you asked about his girlfriend. Also odd that he explained his exit by saying he was being hit on by a woman. He may be interested but the question is what is he offering even if he is interested? Definitely leave the ball in his court for now.

He had exited the conversation so I'll just wait and see

I'm not interested in being anyone's bit on the side

I think he was just asking about the job . No further contact so that's fine .