Annoying siblings

[Juststopamoment]

How do people manage their relationships when you have siblings who constantly look to you as an adult even though you are all in your 40s and 50s? Im the eldest by 13 months. I’m constantly about to boil over. Our dad died in 2017 and he got a company to be his executor. It’s 6 years later and we still haven’t got our money. We finally got them to send papers to sign. I’m deliberately keeping back as I will end up doing everything. My brother was sent the papers 6 months ago and still hasn’t filled them in. He was then supposed to send to my sister and then her to me. Nothing has happened. And I feel that they constantly look at me as if I’m unreasonable. How do people deal with siblings like this? I’m a single mum of two children who runs her own business so I’m busy. My brother isn’t married and has no kids, my sister works 2 days a week and has two kids that are younger than mine but I’ve been in my own with my two since they were 3 and 1 and still managed to get stuff done. Do you just accept that some people just aren’t capable or is there another way to get them to get their arse in gear?

I don't have this issue with siblings but certainly with other family and it drives me bonkers. How do you manage it - for me it's accepting who people are and making a conscious decision to engage (or not) with them on that basis. So you aren't disappointed when they behave to form. But I have to say even doing that sometimes I am driven mad by them, particularly in situations where you can't tell people directly how annoying/stupid/lazy etc they are being for some reason (e.g. relatives by marriage, person will take any perceived criticism really badly etc). I tend to just cut people out of the process where possible e.g. I would have done those forms myself if it mattered to me. If it didn't I do as you have and leave them to it and just ignore the whole process.

Thanks @OhwhyOY Im glad it’s not just me. The incompetent ones are now also arguing with me about trying to get back some sort of organisation. So bloody annoying.

My brother hasn't made a decision in his life. He's the master of passive aggressiveness. He gets other people to do things for him and then shoves all responsibility for stuff onto them. I'm the older sibling and everything related to my mum's care in hospital is down to me, yet he lives (bill free) in her house. I sympathise

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand you have my sympathies too. How do you deal with him? I’ve managed to keep my distance but we are being forced to communicate because of my father’s will. And it’s the same behaviour from him that made it difficult in the first place. He’s 13 months younger than me but acts younger than my 13 year old son. My sister is the same but to a slightly lesser extent but then she talks to me as if I am completely unreasonable all the time.

Keeping your distance is the key. I make sure everything is documented by text so I have evidence. I don't communicate with him other than politely and superficially. I try not to give him head space

When my dad died (have 3 other siblings)...i did all the funeral arrangements, the distributing if leftover funds, etc. My sister didn't help but did steal some if his jewellery whilst saying we weren't allowed in his house on our own!!..she sold the jewellery without our knowledge. Brother lived away.
My dad was a crap dad..but i did all of that out of respect for my paternal grandparents. Personally, i would organise everything to do with your dad, the will etc...but make it clear that next time its their job (eg when dear mum passed etc if thats applicable). Dont go back on it. I said when mum dies that im not doing it all..and im not.

Well just to update after my brother has been holding onto the documents for 6 months we’ve had to get new documents sent out to the other two siblings to try and get things signed without him. He has absolutely no remorse whatsoever 😤.

You all have my sympathy. I bet you are all painted as the bad guy because you want to get things done. We are saints!