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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

17 years younger than me

28 replies

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 12:39

NC as embarrassing. We've known each other for years, he would like a relationship. He is very kind to me. We're not in love, we just like and trust each other, no-one would get hurt. I would be happy for him if he met someone closer in age so no jealousy issues. No children involved and he's infertile.

More than the age gap, the thing which is putting me off is that I am talkative on messaging. He isn't. I love chatting away to my friends on WhatsApp.

This may be too big an issue to get past...? I'm sort of thinking out loud here.

OP posts:

Abhannmor · 01/10/2023 17:01

Do you worry that it would mess up your friendship?
Him not being chatty on WhatsApp shouldn't matter too much . Assuming you will be seeing more of each other in the flesh so to speak

BrandNewTitsAndHusband · 01/10/2023 17:08

I don't understand how he wants a relationship but neither love the other and you want a friendship? Is he suggesting FWB? If so then it doesn't sound like he can give you the F part the way you want.
I personallg dislike the idea of an age gap this big when you could technically be old enough to be their parent.
I would just keep this guy as a friend only and accept he doesn't do friendship the same way I do so I would get my texting friends fix elsewhere.

Original poster

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 22:05

Thanks - I think it's fine to stick to friendship. If I'm seeing someone I like to chatter (message) a little more than this!

Luckily we're not sleeping together and he's not the possessive type so it'll be easy to graduate back down and lessen cuddles etc.

OP posts:

TGGreen · 01/10/2023 22:07

It would depend how old he is. Anywhere under 30 would be a huge no from me. How does he know he's infertile?

Original poster

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 22:16

His previous girlfriend wanted children but he's infertile from a childhood illness. She actually committed suicide (not because of that) which made me feel sad for her.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/10/2023 22:17

Is he a friend of one of your children?

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 22:23

I'm seeing someone 13 years younger. Doesn't bother me or her.

Talkative in messaging!!!Are you going to base your happiness on txt messaging? There will always be something that a person does not like, but this just sounds,IMO, ridiculous.

I could understand if he was a mute in person but txt messaging??

Are you just looking for excuses?

What's worrying you mainly?

Original poster

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 22:23

No I don't have children 🙂

I would have liked to when younger but it wasn't the right circumstances. That's how the conversation came about really, I said I wasn't quite out of the ballpark then he was talking about his ex and that distracted me as she was only 21

OP posts:

Dery · 01/10/2023 22:30

The story about his ex-girlfriend is desperately sad.

Other than that, I don’t really understand your last post but in any case it sounds like you don’t want a relationship with him and you’re only contemplating it because he has suggested he wants one with you. That’s not a reason for you to be intimate with him.

Grendell · 01/10/2023 22:34

In real life, I don't know a single man who likes to text message.

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 22:37

Grendell · 01/10/2023 22:34

In real life, I don't know a single man who likes to text message.

I do. But I hate talking on the phone.

Amabilis · 01/10/2023 22:39

How old are you?

Ladyj84 · 01/10/2023 22:51

What has him liking watsap messaging or whatever got to do with you lol don't see why it makes a difference if he doesn't. And my hubby ain't into chatting as much as me

Original poster

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 22:51

I am in my 40s!

You're right, I'm a little unsure about starting something. He is a kind person though and we sometimes stay up all night talking and listening to music. Last time we were talking about insecurities briefly and he was telling me I can do something which I'm underconfident about and was very complimentary.

This has helped to crystallise my thoughts, no I don't want a relationship or a casual thing, he'll be fine with that.

OP posts:

monsteramunch · 01/10/2023 23:00

Can I ask how you met him? The fact you've known each other years and he's 17 years younger than you makes me wonder if the dynamic has been healthy or a little confusing if you were in a position of trust / managed him or something?

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 23:10

Don't see why you just can't enjoy it instead of overthinking?

Be clear with each other, communicate how you feel. Job done. You both know where you are.

Even if it's companionship and not sexual. If you express that, all is clear.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/10/2023 23:14

More than the age gap, the thing which is putting me off is that I am talkative on messaging. He isn't. I love chatting away to my friends on WhatsApp.

Sorry, but this is just really weird for a grown woman to say. The strength of a relationship isn't determined by communicating on WhatsApp or texting. This is something a 13 year old would think.

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 23:33

@Aquamarine1029

My thoughts too

theduchessofspork · 01/10/2023 23:36

It doesn’t sound like you want to.

And I’d be worried about messing with his feelings

Original poster

GrouseForever · 01/10/2023 23:41

You can read plenty of threads on here where grown women are disappointed about messaging...!

We just communicate differently. Because of his illness I won't call around and respect his space as he can sleep for a day. Normally I don't mind about messaging but I was in an accident and would have appreciated more concern.

So we'll just graduate back down to friends and I'll speak to him if he sends any more sexy messages or kiss emoticons (he's good at those)

OP posts:

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 23:43

Doesn't sound like it's working for you. No shame in that. Find a person that does work for you.

FluffyCatBonzo · 01/10/2023 23:45

Keep him as a friend. You deserve a relationship with someone who is more than just kind to you.

Original poster

GrouseForever · 03/10/2023 14:08

It worked out really, after I was in A&E Sunday morning I was surprised he got me a fruit bouquet. But also sent me sex messages later. Yes I am sure I am very sexy with bruises and a hospital tag 🙄

So I'm not up for a fling whatever their age and it's fine just being friends.

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DonnaTellMeThis · 03/10/2023 17:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

GrouseForever · 03/10/2023 22:16

@DonnaTellMeThis Oh I didn't know what to call it really, a selection bowl of fruit like nectarines, pears, apples etc?? Seemed a bit of character really so I did look at it suspiciously and asked if that was for me!

OP posts:

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