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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work colleague doesn't like me

8 replies

TickingKey46 · 01/10/2023 12:20

I have a work colleague who either likes you or doesn't! She doesn't like me, no reason
She's higher up than me (work in a care home). Often have to go to her and ask for things. But she's so obviously negative towards me (and others). Litually feel like I'm just a big irritation to her. She hardly looks at me or answers my questions. It's just so unnecessary.
The problem is she's not necessarily bullying or nasty, it's all very passive, just difficult and negative. It would be hard for me to write a complaint as it would appear petty. But it happens all the time. I tend to ignore it but I know she's also being negative behind my back.
We've previously had a meeting (with management). But nothings changed. It's her, just the way she is. Towards me and some others.
I wish I didn't care, but I have to be honest and say I do.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advise?

OP posts:
Bassetlover · 01/10/2023 14:15

You say this isn't bullying but it is. What would she do if you vonfronted her? I'd be tempted to go to management again.

TickingKey46 · 01/10/2023 14:21

I have confronted her before about other stuff. She just shuffles off. The thing is I think it's just her personality. Like I've said she the same with some of the other staff..
I started work this morning and I said something to her. As the door was closing I could hear her make a sarcastic remark! Unsure if she was speaking to me or the other member of staff. Regardless she should be leading by example.
I hsv been to management again and I will be working less shifts with her, but still some.
It's just horrible there being an undercurrent of dislike towards me. At least if it was passive I would be able to say something back. Honestly I've had enough of it today.

OP posts:
Jammylou · 01/10/2023 15:12

Yes I have experienced this with a previous line manager. For some reason (unknown to myself) she took an instant dislike to me.
I was told years later that it was because she had wanted the role given to someone else but her then boss over ruled her as I had scored highest.
For years I ppt uup ith Passive aggression, treating me differently and one day I called her out on it. i was very good at my job and she knew it. My husband said she saw me as a threat.
Her behaviour towards me did improve but it took years.
Not a nice feeling at all.
I was eventually promoted to the same position as her in another team and its made me be determined that I'll never make my team members feel the way she made me feel so they all get treated the same regardless of how I feel about them.

TickingKey46 · 01/10/2023 17:55

What happened when you called her out?

OP posts:
Hididi11 · 22/06/2024 12:02

This is really common in female dominant work places.
I am guessing you have something she doesn't.
Easier beauty, family, kids, bf, parents who care, likeable personality with other colleague, confident and good at your job.
Jealousy
It's her not you.
Keep being confident and don't let her get up you.

whatisforteamum · 22/06/2024 12:52

This recently happened to me after always working in a male dominated industry.
One supervisor decided day 2 not to speak to me.
Only to complain.
No good mornings or goodbyes.
Then her friend returned from sick leave who wanted the role I took and joined in.
I did report it and well over a year later left for a happy place.
I should have left when it started but didn't want to be bullied out.
It took a toll on my MH though.
According to the higher ups they were jealous.

Easipeelerie · 22/06/2024 16:35

I think you have to get a job elsewhere. It’s not really possible to get rid of difficult colleagues, even if you have evidence against them.
It’s a pain, but you’ll feel better working somewhere where you don’t feel this oppressive presence all the time.

whatisforteamum · 22/06/2024 20:08

Easiepeelerie.i agree.
Hard luck really but what choice do you have.
I wasted 18 months toughing it out.
Never again.

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