Do I really need to stay in contact?

[BananaSlug]

My ex didn’t see our children for 2 years, he came back in contact last year and has seen the children 4 times in a year. The last time he saw them was early may. I would like to block him as it seems contact has stopped again. However I’ve been told this will make me look bad. So do I really need to keep in contact with him even if he isn’t seeing our children? He messages to ask things to me and I don’t really want to speak to him since he isn’t involved with the children. I don’t just want to ignore him as I would rather not receive the messages.

I think until DC are at least late teens you need to keep some form of possible contact, but set it up so it doesn't impact you so much. You could set up an email just for him, then block him on your phone. If you don't put that account on your phone you won't see his emails pop up and can check when you feel up to it. Or as a PP suggested WhatsApp with him archived so messages won't pop up on your phone.

I don't think your children will hate you. I hear people say that all the time when they are excusing the bad behavior of one parent. Those people are concerned your husband might have to suffer a consequence of his own deliberate actions.

I personally don't think it's good for kids to have a parent pop in and out of their lives with zero consistency. If he's "checking in" on his CHILDREN after 6 months of nothing he is NOT a parent. This fallacy that a bad father is better than no father (or mother, but in this case it's father) has got to stop. If he can't be a consistent presence in their lives because he is just too busy living his best life to bother with his children, keeping him away is better.

The very idea. "He hasn't thought about his children in 6 months so indulge him so he won't feel bad about being a terrible person and a horrible father." Nonsense. Choices have consequences.

I think you need one route to communicate, in case of emergency - major accidents, life & death stuff etc. I'd give him your email address, and block everything else.

You don't need to respond to anything else, or to keep him updated.

Just give him an email address to contact you on, check it once a month, then block him on everything else. Job done.

Thanks all that’s just what I was getting at. I don’t want to update him on the kids if he isn’t seeing them. I don’t want to remain in contact if he isn’t involved. He has my email and I have his anyway from when he was not in contact before (this is a regular pattern it’s been going on for 6 years) so we already have each others email.

I don’t want to announce to him that I’m blocking him as it just seems attention seeking. Haven’t heard from him for over a month anyway and hasn’t seen them since early may.