Now what?

[lostmyway]

Not sure why I am writing this down or if I am in a fit state to think constructivly at the moment.

DH and I have just had yet another arguement ,par for the course just lately.

Last night he was in a foul mood and can only describe his attitude to me as obnoxious and over bearing.
Some may say mental torture and the way I feel now it probably is.

I am not the easiest person to live with.
I have anxiety issues and try my best to keep everything together for the childrens sake.

Last night he came home and interacts with children and is civil to me when he has to be but when the children were in bed he just goes on and on at me .

I told him I could not live like this anymore na dhe just says take the children and see how far you get.
Not sure what he means by that.

He said if I think I will get this house I am misktaken if that is my plan.
(the house was bought for us by his father)

Well tonight just the same but he came out with some things that I am finding hard to deal with.

He came in 2 hours later than he said,his phone was off when I tried to ring him .
He admitted he did this to get back at me.

It then escalated into the usual put downs of what do I contribute to the family home as he goes out to work.

Then he said I am a miserable bitch and he comes home for the childen and trys to ignore me and he said I'm not sure why I am talking to you at all after last night.

He tells me how if I ma not careful I will get myself into trouble.
When I asked him what he meant he said I would drive him to doing something .
I said like what,and his answer just stunned me.
He said cut my throat.
Then it would be just him and the children.

I was trying to keep it together and did'nt want him to see he was upsetting me.

I said you would do that to your children ,take there mother away and he said they would be better off without me.

I just broke down hearing that.
I am a good mother and for your husband to tell you you are not for me was worse than hearing him say it would slit my throat.

He just stood behind me in silence whilst I was crying and said now maybe you'll realise how bad it is.

He still carried on and on and then fianally went to bed telling me that I am up my own arse.

reading this back I can't quite connnect me to this post and not sure what I expect in posting it just needed to get it out of my head .

Probably just wrote DH through habit.

He just sent an e mail saying he was sorry to upset me and lets make things better and he loves me.

Should I be pleased that at least he has realised what he has done?
It's just words after all.

Sweetheart, love is as love does. That's not love. It's sick and you don't deserve to be treated like that. What he said was not a blip. What would you advise your daughter if this was happening to her? What would your mum have said to you, if she was here to discuss it with her?

he bloody emailed you an apology for threatening to slit your throat and leave you in tears

well, thats big of him

actions speak louder than words, he needs anger management counsellign and should be gratefull your not have the farking locks changed whilst he's a work

I actually think there is something wrong in getting off on threatening to kill somebody then watching their fear and pain. The man is not right. He clearly is not. Please don't try to forgive him for this. It is not forgivable it is psychotic.

If this was happening to my daughter I would'nt allow it.
I hope he never does.

My mum would have not allowed this and my dad although he was a mild mannered man would have been furious.

I would'nt change the locks as I said his father bought this house and his parents never really thought I was good enough for there son so they would'nt stand for it.

They are civil to me but we are not close and from different backgrounds,me working class and DH from a priviliged background.

I would get no support at all from them.

I want to make it work for my childrens sake.
As I have said the children adore him and he is a great dad and when we get on we really do it's just these outbursts occur every now and then and feel like I am back to sqaure one again.

LMW

Re your comment that he made to you:-
"I said I could phone the police with a threat like that which I would'nt do but he just said go on them and they will have me sectioned .
Then said if anyone should be sectioned it should be me".

What a big pile of crap this bullying pyschotic controling "man" (I hesitate to use the term as he is an insult to the male race) spouts but at heart you likely believe him. You are in an abusive relationship and you live in fear. He has also made a threat to your life. Whether that is serious or not is beside the point, he has actually made a threat of slitting your throat.

This is ALL about power and control. This is abusive, he wants complete power and control over you. He has no respect for you whatsoever. Such men do not change, their behaviours often escalate.

I feel also you are saying that the children adore him and that he is a great dad (I do not think so at all if he treats their Mummy in such a callous manner) like this because you can truly not think of anything at all nice to say about him. Its also what many women stuck in abusive relationships say - they say "oh he's a good dad". Its a poor compensatory comment to try to cover up the gaping holes. He certainly does not care about your son and daughter.

He is now acting as abusers often do by saying sorry in an e-mail. In a few weeks time or perhaps even sooner when the dust settles he'll revert back to being abusive.

You are right on one thing - your children are your main priority now. You need to do right by them. Your children are also picking up on all this, they are learning from you both.

Please call Womens Aid and seek legal advice re your own financial position. You cannot continue to live in fear like you are doing.

At the end of the day, what you are saying is "I want to stay";so how can anyone help?

lostmyway - in the process of detangling myself from an abusive relationship which although no where close to where you are has taken ages to come to terms with.

This is abuse. Simple. I also grappled with the "for the kids" thing. My best advice is to get a sense of perspective - go an see a solicitor to find out your rights - which will help dispel some of the things he has said to you - and if you are comfortable with it - see a counsellor on your own so you can understand how you really feel.

I really hope you find your way again.