Guilt will not go away - cheating

[Cottagepie6435]

I have been married 10 years. A year before we got married, I cheated on my husband. I kissed someone else and no excuse is good a good enough reason to have done that.

I did confess to him at the time because he has every right to decide if he still wanted to marry me after what I did. He of course was devastated, and after some long talks/time to think etc he decided that yes, he still wants to marry me. I struggled to get over my own guilt which almost ruined our relationship but after some therapy we managed to pull through.

At the time I told him if he had any questions at all, no matter how much time has passed I will always answer them honestly and truthfully. I have since put in work to grow as a person, and we have had no issues in our marriage

Fast forward to 2 days ago we were watching a movie. The person cheated on their spouse, and my husband went extremely quiet and turned the movie off. I knew this had bought up feelings from the past so I tried to sit and talk to him to reassure him that if he needs to ask me anything i'll answer him. So he asked me if I had slept with the guy 10 years ago, I said no and that it was just a kiss

Dh was back to his normal self after an hour or so however for me it's bought back the immense guilt, and self loathing again - all of the feelings I felt back when I did it. I see our 2 children and don't feel worthy of having them, or being worthy of being a wife. I am being normal around them but I am struggling mentally again and I don't know how to let it go. I was the same when it happened and it lasted months, I can't seem to shake this feeling

Yeah, I would start checking his phone.

I agree with this. I think maybe the film made him feel guilty as it seems too out of the blue otherwise. He’s probably done something more than a kiss which is why he doubled checked if you slept with someone else…

Thank you all for your perspectives on this and allowing me to let things off my chest. I guess I didn't really think about him having a secret of his own. I will keep a look out and in the meantime I will do some work on myself to start being more rational rather than overthink every single thing that happens. I really appreciate all the replies

Im there at the moment in my marriage. Kissed my childhood sweetheart at xmas and im absolutely broken at the moment. He is married too and like you cut contact. (There hasnt been any but he said we just have a connection on the night) we were both drunk. Can i ask what changed your mind once you kissed and after a
month of feeling prior how you lost those feelings for someone else so quick?

@Lostsoul2023
Your situation is not at all like the OPs situation. Your situation involves 2 currently married people that have taken vows and are legally committed to each other.

In what way do you see these as similar situations?

So going with your logic unless people are married it's not cheating? And when people are not married they are single? Wow!

What on earth is @Diddleflop saying that it is alllll deleted 😂

He is trying to control you and you are enabling it.

This is such a non-event. It shouldn’t even be in anyone’s mind anymore.

That’s why I think he is trying to control you and I’d reflect on the relationship as a whole.

But you definitely don’t need to feel guilty. What you did was a long time ago and not even that bad.

So Mr CottagePie's wife kissed another man 10 years ago and he magnanimously forgave her.

A scene in a movie triggered his memory and made him feel emotional but he quickly moved on.

Now he is being accused of looking shifty and therefore probably cheating, overreacting, holding it over your head forever, being controlling, using it as leverage over OP, being overly dramatic, adding drama, using it for titillation!

I'd be interested to see the replies if this was the other way around.