Best Friend - help!

[whygodwhy]

I'll keep this as brief as I can, would really appreciate some perspective on a situation that’s arisen

A large group of us went on holiday and my Best friend had two of her very good long term friends join the larger group, she really didn’t want them to come as she was worried about how they’d fit with the group, as they like to have Best friend and husband to themselves. The couple heard about the holiday and kind of invited themselves along … stayed in separate accommodation to group in villa as no room for them as had been booked along time

Anyway … we all went for 2 weeks, they joined for second week … on the second night the husband of the couple, who I know but not very well … for no reason anyone can really understand shouted across the table when I arrived for dinner “your a f*ing Bitch” I had literally just sat down … not even spoken, also called friend who’d invited them a “manipulative bitch” … his wife told him to stop he told her to shut up … apparently this is his sense of humour and no malice intended

he apologised 2 days later, when I responded to his apology he told me to shush!

I don’t find it funny, I have lots of male friends who joke around a lot but never call a woman a bitch!!

the issue now is is Best friend is still very close to them, I am really struggling with this, ideal world she’d be as pissed off as I am and distance her self out of loyalty to me, but I think she just feels she wants to stay neutral … it’s all a very awkward situation

I’d really value your take/advice on this

sorry that was long and typed on iPhone!

He sounds like a nightmare & wanted to be centre of attention & probably felt that you were taking your friends attention.

However I don't think she should fall out with the couple. It's a separate relationship.

It's a bit sad that they tagged along & gatecrashed the group holiday.

I don’t think you should expect your friend to distance herself from her friends because of this - that’s quite controlling.
Just make it very clear that you don’t want to do any joint socialising with them

Thanks - I think I need to look as to why I expect my perception complete loyalty … feels like 12 year old stuff that I shouldn’t be feeling but I do

What a weirdo calling that insult out. And your bf is weird as well for not having any issue with it.

Do you really want to be friends with these people?

apparently this is his sense of humour and no malice intended

What sort of complete arsehole thinks this is funny or okay? People who make 'jokes' like that have issues.

Was it just you he singled out with his so called humour?

Has your friend been supportive of you outwith his earshot?

To be honest, the couple that piggybacked on to a holiday that you and your friend had booked for a long time really need to take a step back from the larger friendship group that booked the holiday.
I can't see any future holidays where this couple are involved going well.

You can still be friends with your friend and that friend can still be friends with the couple but I don't see the groupings overlapping again.

Thanks, friend has acknowledged he was unacceptable but knowing there was no malice behind it … I can’t reconcile that in my head … just plain unacceptable

And hell no he definitely will never be in our orbit again

best friend is wanting it all to go away as she feels so awkward being in the middle

Sounds like you and your ‘best friend’ need far better boundaries if this whole juvenile-sounding mess arose because her friends invited themselves on someone else’s holiday and neither you nor your friend said ‘No, that doesn’t work for us.’

I'm assuming that your friend sees enough qualities in this man (or more likely his wife and they come as a package) to overlook the fact that he is odd, offensive and a social liability. Which is really up to her I guess, and if she were my best friend I think I'd trust her enough to accept she had her reasons. If I cared for her I'd not be putting her in a position where she had to choose. Just making it very clear I'd not be in his company again.

Very wise words … and very true x