What's more important - Compatibility or passion?

[amanda2k4]

I have had previous relationships where I feel in love, intense highs, lucky to be loved by them and have there devoted attention, proud to be with them in public, and a provider type man (albeit on his own terms), business owner, tall dark and handsome, however we disagreed on a lot, he wasn't as EMOTIONALLY mature as other men, and compromising for us was hard.

I have also been in a relationship that was very stable, long term potential, kind, patient, caring, forgiving, positive, hard working partner. The only thing missing is that passion, and we would often end up as GREAT room mates, and the sex life was very infrequent (once every few weeks) but we laughed, smiled, liked the same things, holidays, experiences, agreed on most things.

My Q is In your opinion - what is most important? What are you in? Can you be in a virtually sexless relationship if everything else was great, or would you rather the ups and downs of a relationship, frequent arguments/disagreements, but passionate love, and that feeling of being lucky to have them.

Give me compatibility any day over lust. IME, lust is short-lived and fraught with emotional highs and horrific lows.

Sex with an emotionally compatible partner is much deeper, intense and satisfying, even if it is less frequent.

@amanda2k4
What are you calling passionate love,and are you using the term "passionate love" as a synonymous for "passionately loving the sex"? If there is no compatibility, then "passionately loving the sex" wears thin when there is nothing to talk about and no interest or goals to share. You can only spend so much time having sex.

Compatibility as passion usually dies out but not being compatible is too hard too hard to get through every day with. It doesn't take much for sex to become less frequent or for issues to arise

I don't think they are mutually exclusive.

I do think comparability is essential for a long and happy marriage.

Neither. So it's lucky there isn't only two men in the world!

I would say passionate love as in feeling an intense connection with someone when things are good, have great nights out lots of fun, lots of attention, but not emotionally available and not good at handling arguments
whereas my other ex was not great with attention, but i know would do anything for me, very emotionally mature, apologised when wrong etc, felt very secure with him.

Well, I'm really old, so for me it's probably different. What I called "passion" when I was young looks like "drama and nonsense" to me now. 😂 As a bona fide adult, give me a good, stable man who is hilarious, has a strong work ethic and is genuinely a good person ALL DAY. 😎

Compatibility. Passion will fade, then what? Eventually most relationships rely more on companionship and compatibility to keep them going, I think.

@amanda2k4
I sounds as though your ex might have had more potential as a long-term partner. Your new guy sounds like fun and maybe you can enjoy the ride until it is no longer fun.

Not every relationship is destined to turn into some life time commitment and you can actually enjoy kissing some of those toads while looking for your Prince.