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Original poster

Partner leaving THC and edibles in reach of kids.

83 replies

fbwjsowjdjeoqnd · 29/09/2023 16:44

We have 1 and 3 yr old. We have spoken about it multiple times. I have asked him not to bring them in the house, to store them safely, to let me know if anything is in the house... and I'm still finding them. I have found them in the children's play area twice, in easy reach once, and once the 3 yr old had edibles in her hand - I caught her before she ate it, but he would not have seen if I hadn't been there. I really don't know what to do, besides contacting social services, but if I do that out relationship will be over. Advice please.

OP posts:
MsFrost · 29/09/2023 17:12

fbwjsowjdjeoqnd · 29/09/2023 16:52

He quit his job to work 1 day a week to look after DC1 between age 1-2. He has done the same for DC2. So a sudden removal of him from their life would be very distressing for them. They spend more time with him than me and have a very strong bond.

OP, honestly, I never use this phrase, but give your head a wobble.

It's going to be more distressing for them if they ingest illegal substances.

He's putting them at risk, and so are you by not removing them from this environment.

You need to
1)Take pictures of what's in the house for evidence.
2) Leave.
and 3) Report him to social services and the police.

You need to do what is right by your children.

StephanieSuperpowers · 29/09/2023 17:17

I'm very concerned that you think anger from him is an issue that compels you to keep your children in this situation. Have you considered speaking to Women's Aid about how to get out safely?

ApolloandDaphne · 29/09/2023 17:18

@fbwjsowjdjeoqnd If you call SS and tell them what you have said here they will tell you that it is up to you to provide a safe environment for your children. They won't come and do any sort of assessment on the basis of you just calling to tell them your OH has been leaving his edibles etc lying about in reach of the children. They will tell you to ensure he does not leave them where they can reach them, same as you would do for alcohol, prescription drugs, cigarettes etc. If he is not doing this then you make decisions to prioritise the safety of your children by asking him to leave or you leaving if he wont make sure they are kept safely out of their reach in the home.

Ilovecashews · 29/09/2023 19:08

Please find a way of living your life without this person in it, the children wouldn’t be so attached to him if they knew what kind of father he is. Safeguarding is a basic duty for a parent, the fact that he does not work to stay with them is neither here nor there. He’s a high risk to your children and you let him sleep next to them.

HoneyBadgerMom · 29/09/2023 19:17

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KeepTheTempo · 29/09/2023 19:21

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KeepTheTempo · 29/09/2023 19:22

Anyone know why replies have got hidden here?

LIZS · 29/09/2023 19:25

fbwjsowjdjeoqnd · 29/09/2023 16:48

If I end the relationship he will have the right to see the children without me present.

Not necessarily. He could have supervised access only, if at all. Your priority is to safeguard your dc, he has chosen to prioritise his drug habit at their expense. If they end up in A and E because you decide not to you risk SS intervention.

LikeARainstorm · 29/09/2023 19:31

Did he quit his job to be a sahd or did he quit to enjoy getting stoned all week?

If there have been that many near misses, your luck will run out soon and one or both children will eat this stuff and then what? Social services will get involved then, the hospital will report it and you'll be culpable for not protecting them from a danger you knew all about.

rainbowsparkle28 · 29/09/2023 20:28

As others have said you must prioritise your children. I get it may be hard the prospect of the change etc. for them but their safety absolutely has to come first. And if anything were to happen social services would come down heavy on you for failing to protect them as their parent - which is what this is ultimately - when you full well knew about it.

cestlavielife · 29/09/2023 20:32

He is not helpful.
He is leaving drugs in reach of your dc on purpose

WowOK · 29/09/2023 20:47

Sorry @fbwjsowjdjeoqnd . He's a stoner. His priority is getting fuck faced. He either doesn't care or is too off his face to put his drugs out of reach of your children. Honestly, I don't care what recreational drugs people do in their own time but they shouldn't be done around children or left around children. I don't think he's safe to look after the children. I wouldn't leave them with him. So far you've had some near misses. If your children invest drugs it could have a grave impact in them. Its not a risk would take.

Channellingsophistication · 29/09/2023 20:47

You clearly dont want to end the relationship but each day you dont you are allowing your DCs to be in danger and you are choosing not to protect them… why would you want to be with someone who cares so little for them?

Noicant · 29/09/2023 20:52

I get what you are saying about childcare and I’m sure your kids love him. But he’s clearly utterly fucking stupid to be leaving any of that stuff near small children. If you have to repeat yourself about storing drugs safely then he’s a moron who shouldn’t be in charge of your kids. If you found them in the playpen it’s because he is taking them while in charge of them. i can completely understand wanting to have a glass of wine while caring for small kids (I don’t use drugs and have been completely sober in sole charge of DC) but I wouldn’t leave a bottle in the playpen.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/09/2023 20:52

oh op
I also puff so I won’t get all moralistic on the drugs

but this is so so worrying
and the consequences will be way worse if the kids eat one
putting aside how sick they will be SS and such will come down hard

Baffled1989 · 29/09/2023 20:58

Are you waiting for one of your kids to swallow one and die before you end it? If you’re not what on earth are you doing even writing this?

Universalsnail · 29/09/2023 21:01

Your relationship needs to be over if you doing something about this will mean your relationship is over unfortunately

I am pretty open minded about drugs and would have no problem with edibles being in the house but they would need to be stored well out of sight and touch from the children and I would want to know they were there.

His behaviour is dangerous and absolutely not ok.
Not only that but he can't be trusted with unsupervised contact either unfortunately

Blueeyedmale · 29/09/2023 21:01

Op I get you are are worried,I get you have concerns about being a single parent I even get you love him,but this man is putting drugs before his children, he is endangering their safety,as their mum you need to protect them,its hard I get that but he needs to go,to the pp saying she's just as bad as he is,that's an awful thing to say,she's here asking for advice,you can do this op

YourWinter · 29/09/2023 21:06

When - not “if” - one or both children are in hospital and you’re having to explain why you were so passive, you might rethink how this should have been handled. What the hell kind of risk are you prepared for your children to face while he looks after them and you’re out of sight? Poor kids.

TheSandgroper · 30/09/2023 00:15

Please find your anger. You need to be angry. Go around the house and take photos of everything you can find and where they are kept. You need proof that the children have easy access. Report him to the police, to social services and to your health visitor.

He can not have unsupervised access and you need to show why. You need to be a tiger mum because you are their mum. Be angry. Very angry. Keep your children safe.

Backagain2 · 30/09/2023 01:02

Did he quit his job to be a sahd or did he quit to enjoy getting stoned all week?

This is what I’m wondering too. Also you said he would see the kids without you if you didn’t live together, but he is with the kids a lot without you anyways as things stand presently. I assume you’re out at work full time while he’s at home for most of the week?

Backagain2 · 30/09/2023 01:06

Also OP if he is genuinely going to be distressed at the idea of not being with his kids full time sit him down and tell him if it happens again it’s over.

If he really does care as you claim, then he will make sure it never ever happens again. Simple.

If he continues to do it then clearly he isn’t that upset about the prospect of being without his kids!

And don’t worry about being never forgiven by him. He has nothing to forgive you for unless he expects you to be remorseful about protecting your children. The one person he will need to forgive is himself for repeatedly putting his kids at risk even when he knew it would break up his family. So point him in a direction of a mirror if he is looking for someone to blame.

TheCentreSlide · 30/09/2023 01:12

What’s wrong with you. Your passivity about this is shocking OP. Protect your children ffs.

Inform the police first. Then take it from there - social services, separation.

lucyhadness1996 · 30/09/2023 01:12

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truthhurts23 · 30/09/2023 01:24

he doesn't care about you or the kids clearly , because kids die from eating edibles
I think you are being weak to allow this, kick him and his weed out