Jealousy

[Hopelesslyhurt]

So im looking for an outside opion, and am trying as much as possible to write this in the most unbiased way.

My wife and i have been together for 12 years. Weve had our ups and downs. About 2 years ago, i bought her a gaming laptop. Recent behaviors, new behaviors. She no longer wants to game with me. Or is in priviate discord servers if i do get her to.

But recently in the last month or so, she has started exclusivley playing with 1 guy. And sometimes not playing just sitting idle in a lobby talking with him,

she shares all the personal details with him, about her self our kids our relationship, her childhood. She tallks to this guy daily form sometimess 10 hours a day.

Heres my perseption of things now, when i come in the room she whispers more, will make comments about how im near, is often making sexual innuendos.

Ive tried to speak to my wife about this and She immedeatly becomes defensive starts yelling, telling me im jealous and constantly behave this way when he talks to guys.

From me initiating a conversation about how her behaviors are hurting me, and our marriage. I feel im being gaslighted, but she insists at a yelling volume that im insane, im jealous, and shen8s not doing anything abnormal for married women.

I feels her prioritizing her relationship with this other guy, despite my feelings, its the ammount of an affair. She fails to validate my feelings ', even consider she is doing something wrong, and im just insecure and jealous, or i dont know what a relationship is supposed to be about.

Is sshe right am i over reacting and being jealous and insecure over things i think i hear. Or should i pack my bags

You are right, it's beyond a friendship. She's at least cheating emotionally.
If it was genuine friendship, she wouldn't secretive and fixated on him.
I don't know who should pack and leave because I don't know your circumstances.
Her behaviour is disgraceful.

Thank you. I always want to believe my wife, and anytime shes told me i do something that negatively affects her i make a solid effort to correct the bhaviors.

As i was writing that post it became more clear whats going on. But if i am dillusional i want to stop accusing. I think ive been more than patient and fair, as to giving her response to me, a opportunity to be valid and creditble, hell i kinda wanted her to be right, that im just a jeaalous ahole because then i could try to fix it and not lose my wife. Although im not sure what im holding on to, 12 years is hard to throw away. Thank you for the validation i needed it more than i could expresss

How has your wife got 10 hours a day to speak to this guy and game?! Also clearly this person must be a jobless adult or maybe even a kid to also have so much time to devote to her? It's an emotional affair and its unacceptable. However, she doesn't feel she's doing anything wrong nor does it sound like she's going to change, so what are you going to do?

You have 2 options, put up with it, or give her an ultimatum that the relationship can't continue if she's going to be behaving like she's single. I'm sure there's more people she's been like this with too. I'd feel disgusted and completely turned off my partner if he was "friends" with someone else, sharing all about my life and kids. Also the fact she's doing it right in front of you shows her lack of respect for you.

I'd personally be getting my ducks in a row that the marriage is over and thinking of a living situation going forward and also about the kids. Your wife seems like she wants to live some single life and is clearly escaping her reality.

no you weren't delusional she was gaslighting you. You could consider counselling if you're both willing to try.
I second getting legal advice if it's over.

Im really torn, when she has her headset on and is talking to him, its like i barely excist, it hurts and angers me. But the second she disconects, unless i try to talk about it.

She wants to be close have my attention, have me make her food or run and fetch something or rub and hold her.

the stuff that i consider good in our relationship, it leaves me feeling maybe shes come around. Until the next day.

A couple times shes spent 2 days no getting on discord with her headset, but ive seen she still messages him.

I feel the lack of respect, and one sided love, but im not quite ready to give up.

Ive learned over our relationship ways of keeping "us" fresh in my mind.
I used to be worried i could Not handle a long term relationship, but i daily make sure i do little things just for her, tell her and my self how beautiful, and sexy she is, how lucky i am. Its worked, i still get that excited knott in my stomache right before i get home to see her.

But its also made it really hard and more hurtful to try and distance my self and prepare to start a new life. I tried setting up appointments for online marriage counsoling but its never a priority for her.