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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Needing Opinions on my recent ex-fiance

4 replies

RideOrCry · 29/09/2023 12:06

Needing some advice please to see what intentions are here;

A quick TLDR; Me and my ex-fiance have been split up for about 4 months and a bit now, we share a child together. They're already in a new relationship. I will say I was the main problem in the relationship, I was grieving the death of two parents and shut down emotionally and lacked communication.

We're pretty much in no contact unless it's about our child, and if we do talk over text theyre very robotic, cold and I can hardly recognise them, we also barely talk in person.

We met in town for them to pickup our child (this was a first and they needed to pick up some decorations for halloween) usually I say goodbye to my child and then leave as I attempted this they asked me three times to get a coffee to where i declined and then eventually i said yes, this is out of character for them (they did say it would be good for our child to see us getting along but also in the past wouldnt want to spend time together because it could confuse our daughter).

Usually they dont want to be around me, I guess out of respect for their new partner, but the first thing they said was "You're looking good", I didnt think much of it and just said thanks. They were also very interested in my sex life and was prying for any information, until I shut it down. They also randomly said out of the blue "I've always appreciated that you let me by myself around you and never judged me or was embarrassed by me" - their weirdness was something I always liked. Theyve also mentioned about 2 weeks ago that they were angry and upset that I've changed now and will be better for a another woman but not them, even though I gave them the chance to have this version if me before they got with her new partner. Im going through therapy, a lot of self healing and self reflecting. I should also mention they said I made their day twice, once in person another time on the phone a few hours later.

I asked how their weekend was and they said it was rubbish but wouldn't tell me why, so I just asked if everything was okay, they said yes but done a face that led me to believe otherwise, I didnt push further.

I'm just curious as to what some of you may think they're trying to get out of It saying these kind of things.

Maybe they've just decided to be kind and interested in my life out of nowhere, but I hardly consider this type of interest platonic questioning.

Personally I consider what theyre doing as emotional cheating, if I was their current partner I wouldn't be happy with the things they was saying to their ex.

OP posts:
PerfectMatch · 29/09/2023 12:08

Sounds to me like they had a fight with the new partner and are testing the waters to see if you'd be open to getting back together.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 29/09/2023 12:14

Don’t meet up again for coffee. You’re going to allow her to fuck with your head again.

RideOrCry · 29/09/2023 12:18

It wasn't my intention to meet for coffee, it was their time to have our child, I felt bad declining 3 times.

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 29/09/2023 12:19

Sounds like they might have hit a rough patch with new partner and are looking back on your relationship with the good old fashioned rose tinted glasses and missing the things you did that perhaps the new partner does not.

Try to avoid coffee dates again, I appreciate you'll want to keep things as amicable as possible for the sake of your child, but they also need to be neutral. You don't want to get stuck in the middle of whatever relationship issues they are having with new partner.

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