Dad having an affair

[Fluxxar]

He must think I’m stupid.

He popped round to see me and the DC wearing nice going out clothes despite having to apparently rush off to do a DIY related errand afterwards. Weird ringtone on his phone, went outside the bloody house to take a phone call. Shame my nest doorbell didn’t record the audio. Nonsensical excuse when he came back in. Overheard him upstairs in my DCs room telling someone on the phone that he’d text them when they were leaving, in a way that didn’t line up with his apparent errand. Nonsensical person on the other end of the line.

It might be true. But it probably isn’t. He has form and I had to deal with the fall out of that last year, but they decided to get back together. I can’t go to my mum with all this because I don’t really have any proof and she is of a very weak disposition mental health wise.

I’ve told them that they need counselling and to sort out their toxic bin fire and I can’t be their emotional support child.

But it’s so bloody sad. I can’t be completely guarded and ‘none of my business’ about it. My mum wouldn’t be in the same room as him if they split, which would be awful for my DC’s special occasions and weddings and graduations. I’m an only child and last year was awful when they split up. I felt so untethered.

I’m so angry for him for bringing his bullshit into my house and turning my mum into a nervous wreck. I’m so angry that she didn’t leave him when I was a baby.

Just getting it all out. I feel ill.

Sorry you're stuck in the middle, it's a shitty position to be in, I can relate to that weight or being some kind of therapist for your own parents.

I've come to the conclusion that it's not my responsibility and never was or should have been. Only they can sort it out and my mums let mine get away with so much over the years it's likely never gonna get better but it ain't on me.

It's infuriating to see what has become and when things haplen but it just keeps going round and around, always been like that. Can't do it for her...

You shouldn't either, let them deal with their own toxic relationship rather than bring yourself down with it. It's not your burden to carry and never should have been.

You don’t know he’s having an affair, and to be honest it sounds your a bit over invested in their relationship

When I was about 15 I overheard a phone conversation between my father and someone who was obviously another woman who he knew well. I subsequently overheard several similar conversations and decided that it was obvious he was having an affair. I wrote a letter to my parents about it and hid it away whilst I waited for as suitable opportunity to give it to them. But I had second thoughts and tore it up and I never mentioned the matter to anyone.

That was almost 50 years ago, and all involved are now long dead. But looking back I think I was right not to get involved. Things are not simple, no one can know everything that goes on in another couple's relationship, in my case I now suspect that my mother knew, or at least suspected, and had her own reasons for turning a blind eye. Making the matter public would have made things much worse for her.

Relationships are private and unless abuse or violence are involved I think it very unwise for outsiders to interfere.