How did you know you were gay?

[WhereIstand]

I'm 38, so I should know if I was a lesbian, right?

I'm married to a man. Neither of us are that bothered about sex, we don't kiss, he's not a kisser.

I've fancied lots of men and I'm flattered by compliments and felt butterflies on dates (before DH) but I wouldn't say I'm that sexually attracted to men, I don't want to sleep with them even if I fancy them. I can't begin to work that out.

I had a girlfriend when I was 25, before I met my husband. I definitely fancied her in a different way than I fancied men. Much more intense, I think. She was an amazing person and sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we'd stayed together.

I know sexuality is a spectrum and I could be bisexual? Or maybe I'm just not attracted to my husband. I've never enjoyed sex with any man, but it's OK with DH.

I feel empty, alone, and like I'm living a life that isn't mine. I have everything I could want, so I don't know if this is something to do with how low I feel every day.

Hi Op, I could have written this. I was also married to a man and the sex was bearable. Had relationships with women before marriage too and always felt that was more ‘me’ but I fell into the heterosexual lifestyle and married as I was afraid of what others might think.

Im now divorced for reasons unrelated and have explored that side of myself again and quite honestly, I’m sad that I spent so many years trying to be something I’m not.

As for when did I realise I was gay? Seeing Salma Hayek for the first time in Dusk til Dawn way back in the 90’s. That scene rendered me speechless!

If you have fancied both men and women in the past then I’d say that’s bisexual. Gay or straight people only usually fancy one sex.

I've got quite a few gay friends who are perfectly capable of fancying men, but have absolutely no interest in either sleeping with or being in a relationship with them.

Yes, sexuality is a spectrum but if you asked them where they fell on a line with straight at one end, gay at the other, and bi in the middle, they'd be pointing very far down the gay end rather than anywhere near the middle