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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Intimacy changed.

5 replies

CheryBomb · 27/09/2023 22:01

Name changed.

DH has always been very enthusiastic in a certain department when we are intimate and he would always go down on me before PIV.

But the last few months he just hasn't.

I mean we've been together a long, long time and it was always that way and he very much enjoyed it and told me so it's unheard of that we would have sex this many times without that happening.

But now it's just not happening and I don't want to say anything because I know he will explain it away or just say its nothing and then he will feel obligated to do it again next time we have sex to prove he wants to. And I'll feel awkward like I'm pressuring him to by bringing it up if he doesn't actually want to?

I'm thinking have I changed in some way down there? I'm worried something is different and not pleasant?

Also he's quit smoking a few moths ago and I'm worried he's got his smell and taste back and doenst like it? 😳

OP posts:
Inthethickofit123 · 28/09/2023 06:57

How long has this been your ‘routine’? As in when you say a long long time do you mean 20 years or 6 months? It is a bit strange to suddenly change what you do if that’s what he has done for decades I suppose. Have there been any other changes recently in his mood or sex drive for example? I’m sure it’s not your scent or taste ‘down there’, he’s obviously enjoyed that for a long time. Have you changed anything else? Stopped shaving or started shaving perhaps? Maybe he’s just trying to change things up? I’m guessing your relationship is good in general. Maybe just have a chat x

Original poster
CheryBomb · 28/09/2023 09:12

Inthethickofit123 · 28/09/2023 06:57

How long has this been your ‘routine’? As in when you say a long long time do you mean 20 years or 6 months? It is a bit strange to suddenly change what you do if that’s what he has done for decades I suppose. Have there been any other changes recently in his mood or sex drive for example? I’m sure it’s not your scent or taste ‘down there’, he’s obviously enjoyed that for a long time. Have you changed anything else? Stopped shaving or started shaving perhaps? Maybe he’s just trying to change things up? I’m guessing your relationship is good in general. Maybe just have a chat x

We've been together 20 years!

No changes that I've made to myself physically, no.

All sorts is running through my mind like pre menopause causing changes etc.

I know the only real solution is to ask him but I feel like that's making an issue of it and therefore putting pressure on him.

I don't mind that he's not doing it, I only want him to if he wants to, I can go without. It's more the reason behind the sudden change is perplexing me.

OP posts:
Specso · 28/09/2023 09:28

Do you go down on him? Do you do it a lot less than you used to?

He could have suddenly developed a tit for tat mindset and can’t be bothered to do it unless he gets the same. Probably not that but just an idea.

Seaoftroubles · 28/09/2023 09:30

Don't overthink, maybe he's just got lazy. It is an issue as you are worrying about it so next time you have sex just ask him to go there...say you miss it and see what he says.

Rainydays777 · 28/09/2023 13:29

Maybe just ask him?

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