Hi,
I am 24 and autistic. I have never had any sexual or relationship experience before as I have just never felt like I wanted to, but sometimes I would go on dating apps to talk to guys because I felt like that's what I'm supposed to do.
I met a guy on a dating app and we got on really well. I thought we were good friends as I told him I didn't want to have sex or be in a relationship. I ended up going over to his house which I know is really stupid but he lives with his parents so I thought it would be OK.
After not very long he asked if I wanted to kiss him. I said no. He asked why and I said I didn't want to. He kissed me anyway so I just went with it, but I didn't enjoy it. There were a few other things like he pulled up my top and pulled down my bra without asking and did something to my breast with his mouth which I didn't like and he didn't ask. He asked me if I wanted to feel his penis and I said no, and he told me to do it so I did. I've never said this or typed it out and I don't quite know how to say it. He knows I didn't have any experience and at one point he said "I need to be careful not to take advantage of you." he has also since messaged me to tell me he thinks he went too far and I haven't said anything. Thinking about it and him makes me feel sick and like I never want to talk to or see another man again.
I just feel like it isn't "bad" enough for me to be upset by, but tonight is the first time I've really thought about it and thought about how upset I am about the whole experience.
Thank you for reading. I'm really sorry. I just don't know what to do to move past this