Name changed for this. Married for twenty plus years. My husband is a good man who has faithfully loved and provided for us. I had a dark childhood, left home very young, family all deceased. Too young to be alone in the world, I was used and abused. Then I met my husband who offered stability and family of our own.
We have three boys. The youngest is 12. Husband and I haven't had sex since. This became an issue after the birth of our eldest, I contemplated leaving but didn't want my son to grow up with no-one but me. We slept together a handful of times after our first child, hence the other two.
My husband is a workaholic. I knew he couldn't change but I knew he loved me nevertheless. Life has been lonely. He doesn't know me at all. He seems happy with work, kids, a wifey kind of wife which I was for a long time. By that I mean I aspired to be 'the perfect wife', self sacrificing etc.
We're a very happy family, lovely home, a business together. Separating would destroy the lovely life we've created - our business, our home. Our boys are early teens, some special needs - separation and the loss it would bring would cause an irrevocable fracture in their lives.
Here's the nub; I'm needy, desperate for love, someone who understands me. I've met that man and he's changed my life. I didn't know a connection like this was possible. I believe he feels the same. Nothing has happened other than I look and feel ten years younger. I have no desire to leave my family, nor to leave my husband having had his best years. Yet we're not compatible. He's not interested in conversation with me (aside from practical things), we haven't even kissed in over a decade. He's becoming grumpier as he gets older, my childish enthusiasm often irritates him. Yet we care deeply for each other. I have no wish for counselling, after years of wanting him to want me, I've checked out. Do we pootle along, negotiate a different kind of marriage? Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it.
Sorry it's so long, but what would you do?