I’d been friends with Abi for 24 years and we’d been through thick and thin together. She never regarded me as her best friend which was fine, but she generally preferred the company of other friends unless we were drinking alcohol or later on, children related.
The friendship got difficult in recent years as she’d leave me out of things and I’d see photos on social media after denial. She sacked me as bridesmaid at her wedding because she only wanted 2 (her other friends). I didn’t go to the wedding because I was hurt and embarrassed. She’d judged me for many things to the point where I began to feel bullied.
id been a single parent for a few years so she was used to me being available at her whim, she saw herself a single mum too as her husband works 10 hour shifts, she didn’t like that I felt it wasn’t comparable. When I met my now DF she didn’t like him because “he took me away from her” (he didn’t-nothing changed). She’d slag him off constantly and made me uncomfortable so I slowly phased out the daily texts and phone calls claiming I was busy with work and my son. She’d call him names and try to set me up with other men in front of him. Her advice about anything felt deceitful as much of it would have landed me in legal trouble.
It came to head when I fell pregnant and got engaged. She wasn’t happy for me and I knew deep down the friendship wasn’t real and realised she’d been using me as a topic of entertainment with her other friends who all knew my business in exact detail.
I’m ashamed to admit I ghosted her.
I changed my phone number and deleted my social media accounts 7 months ago. I felt so much better in myself for it and realised I’d been on egg shells around her for years. I moved on, while occasionally feeling sad at such a long friendship being over, knowing it was the correct thing for my mental health.
Today I received a text message from her asking how I am and if I had the baby yet (he’s 4 weeks old). Also that she’s been trying to contact me for months and I’ve not responded. I don’t know how she got my new number but we don’t have mutual friends and we live in different counties.
Id been thinking about her minutes before the text message, for the first time in months. While we didn’t have a conventional friendship we always had great banter and it released a lot of stress over the years having her around and I occasionally think about our jokes and fun days.
I made the choice to not respond to her text message. I worry that if I let her back in I will be judged, criticised and feel anxious again. I miss her but I missed myself more. There’s so much id love to tell her but without a doubt soon after I’d regret speaking to her. She’s never wrong so I couldn’t tell her how I feel to give her the option to work on it.
Based on what ive said would you avoid at all costs or would you personally give her a chance? (If it were you in my shoes experiencing it - not for what I should do)
I couldn’t speak to her occasionally whilst at arms length, it’s all or nothing with her.
My hormones are likely playing a part in this , I know she’s not a good friend so why am I considering talking to her for nostalgia sake and not for wanting her friendship?