Am I wrong for feeling jealous that he has patience for his mum/sister and not me?

[amanda2k4]

Whenever I see my husband speak with his sister/mum he seems to have a lot of patience, hears them out, women being women they gossip about people and he doesn't seem to mind. However, as soon as I want to comment on someone, (yes usually his friend or family member as I do not have loads of friends of my own) he gets really defensive and an argument happens. Likewise his sister recently told me he is really supportive of her stopping smoking cigarettes, yet his mentality with me is sort of 'get on with it' and if i run into any problems or hardship they are usually 'my fault'

No you're not wrong. I strongly feel that partners should be nicer and more supportive to each other than they are to others. Or at least equally so!
Previous partners haven't been - my first was lovely to others, not nice to me. Current one is.

He really doesn't sound very nice to you. What is he like with his colleagues or neighbours? Are you the only one who gets this treatment?

Mr ex was like that

And why he's an ex

I think actually it's fair he doesn't want you to gossip about / comment on his family members to him tbh, I wouldn't appreciate that from my partner.

The stopping smoking part sounds quite rude and unhelpful though, I'd expect lots of support on that front definitely!

Yes only one- very patient with friends too

Its usually his friends to be honest, i rarely comment on his family as I do like them. but, some of his friends make terrible decisions, aren't good parents, and i dont care to be around them, and i can tell that annoys him, his attitude is well you dont have to be around them but i will be and will go without u to see my friend

to be honest, if you're the only one he is so short with it may be that you are
crossing the line with your comments about them - and he is right, if you dont like them, stop seeing them and just find new friends

I agree he should be as supportive of you as of others. But I’d hate it if a partner gossiped about and criticised my family and friends. I’d definitely get defensive and yes we’d probably have an argument about it.
I’d imagine it’s easier for him to be supportive of his sister stopping smoking as he doesn’t live with her while she’s going through it - so he can just be supportive at a distance!

My ex was patient with everyone but me. It was very disheartening. And one of the things that made me go off him.

Maybe you should make some friends of your own, and comment on their poor decisions and bad judgements? You should maybe also reconsider your views on the inevitability of unpleasant gossip if you're a woman. Other people might be more prepared to make friends with you if they didn't think that their main function in your life was to be someone you bitched about?

I wouldn't like DH commenting on my friends if he had none of his own (he has a lot less, so easy to imagine). If he ever complained about having no friends but felt he could criticise mine, I would be defensive and think less of him. Do you often talk about how great any of them are?

I think you should focus on making friends and learning to like people for all their good points instead of looking for flaws. It will also give you a more equal relationship,

'Women being women'????

We're not all the same. And I know more 'gossipy' men than women.

But that aside, I can see if you criticise his friends reguarly he won't want to hear it. Is that the difference - do his mum and sister criticise his friends regularly?