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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neurodivergent, need MN untangling please

25 replies

HopeFloatsAbove · 27/09/2023 12:08

If a man tells you he needs to go away for a few days to weigh up his options on you, meaning if he wants to continue dating you

I had been going on a few dates with a man in July to August, he wanted to be exclusive 4 weeks in. We had only met a few times as during those 4 weeks he had been abroad 2 weeks of that time. We spoke every day.

Once on a date he picked me up, I was wearing a long summer dress with sandals, as you do on a beautiful summers day, he told me to go and change into high heals, obviously I stuck to my flat sandals, really nice sandals btw. Nothing wrong with what I was wearing at all.

He insisted I planned every date for those 8 weeks we were together.

He could be quite condescending in his tone when speaking to me, like I was hard of hearing, or just generally lacked intelligence.

He spoke appallingly about his older DD due to her failing her uni exams and being caught smoking pot. However, he would dote on his younger DD. Spoke badly off his x DW who apparently cheated on him.

The twist is, I only got diagnosed neurodivergent, high functioning autistic in August, told him immediately. There is a back story here way before I met him that lead to this diagnosis.
He was totally fine about it at first, then I noticed the tone change. This is also when I called it quits on the dating due to his behavior towards his DD and just other really odd things. We decided to remain friends, or he did. Said he had many ex gf on his social media, no issue for him. However I am not such collector of human interactions and social media to me is so lame anyway.

But he got in tough yesterday, letting me know how amazing his life is, and that he has started up his company, and I am so pleased for him as I know he has been working hard towards this.

He has now told me he really is into me, but I hurt him by calling it quits, and he needs to go away to see if he can date me again. This is after us talking about this summer, reminiscing basically, and that he was going to take time away to see if I was a person worth being around.

I am flabbergasted, one because I told him that there was no need for that, there was no we, but only for him to say he had a brain of his own, that he was doing this and that he would let me know in time.

What?

Those of you who are really good at human social interactions, do I just block the dude?

Or, do I hold off until he gets in contact to see what he has come up with? Then respond?

I mean I know my own worth but this has left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
havingmetime · 27/09/2023 12:12

Don't give this "man" another thought, you've wasted far too many.
Block, delete, forget. I'm

havingmetime · 27/09/2023 12:13

Sorry I didn't mean to add the I'm.

Calyx72 · 27/09/2023 12:17

Block this man. Unless you are looking to be controlled and manipulated. It's clear from your post that it's what he does.
(I know it's hard but it's only hard before you block. Once you have then you're free. If you feel sad at first just be really nice to yourself!)
Well done for posting and good luck.

PaintedEgg · 27/09/2023 12:17

you should have turned on your heel after the comments about your shoes and never look back at this guy

he sounds awful

Catsafterme · 27/09/2023 12:23

No, get rid and don't look back he will end up controlling every aspect of your life and mould you into what he wants, along with blaming you for everything.

The shoe thing is a glimpse into how justified those people are and how normal it is for them. Not that I would anyway but I wouldn't dream of asking a woman I'm seeing to change her outfit or shoes.

Oldthyme · 27/09/2023 12:23

Why are you even considering this “dude.” Trust your intuition.

Hes rubbish. Verging on controlling.
BLOCK him now.

PaintedEgg · 27/09/2023 12:24

btw, you can absolutely tell him you don't consider him to be a person worth having around - and then block him

EmmaEmerald · 27/09/2023 12:27

The high heels thing is shocking! Run away, in shoes of your choice!

HopeFloatsAbove · 27/09/2023 12:29

Thanks everyone, I needed to hear this

OP posts:
Epidote · 27/09/2023 14:12

He is not good interacting with humans neither if you want to word it this way.
I would word it: is not you nor your autism is him thinking he is such a special breed, amazing catch.

NorthCliffs · 27/09/2023 14:14

My vagina clanged shut just reading that - ugh. Don't waste another second of your life on him.

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/09/2023 14:15

This is nothing to do with with ND and everything to do with him being a complete cock. Run now.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 27/09/2023 14:21

You did the right thing drawing the line OP, this guy is a controlling arse.

INeedAnotherName · 27/09/2023 14:25

Block him (for other things) but I'm a little confused. Are you saying he is refusing to let you finish with him, he's the only one who can decide that??

HopeFloatsAbove · 27/09/2023 14:58

@INeedAnotherName yes, basically his words were "there is nothing you can do to avoid it" when I said that there was nothing to think about with regards to a relationship, or resume dating again.

So now he thinks he has the control, clearly, telling me to be on hold until he decides what to do with me ha ha, writing it is laughable. I really wish I had a good comeback to just shut this off for good, take his ego down, but I would not know what that looked like so blocking seems the best option. All I could do after that message of his was say sorry, I apologised, yup, I was so taken aback by the his response I apologised.

Now I have this hanging over me

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/09/2023 15:02

Lol, what an absolute pollock.

All you can do is laugh about this.

Just block him op. On everything. How funny that he thinks this decision is only up to him 😂

solice84 · 27/09/2023 15:05

What the hell did I just read?
Get rid
And block

arethereanyleftatall · 27/09/2023 15:05

The absolute best comeback here is to block. It says everything.

Does he know your address?

HopeFloatsAbove · 27/09/2023 15:12

@arethereanyleftatall Thankfully I always asked him to pick me up from the corner from where I live, so no he does not know. And he has been blocked.

Thanks everyone, knew MN would be able to untangle this with me

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/09/2023 15:18

Good. And in future op, walk away at the heels comment.

INeedAnotherName · 27/09/2023 16:45

Well done OP. He sounds psychotic. If he contacts you again then tell him to leave you alone or you will report him to the police for harassment. That usually stops them completely.

And sometimes apologising is the safest way. Better to be safe than right Flowers

QueenBitch666 · 27/09/2023 16:51

Get rid. He sounds unhinged

Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 27/09/2023 16:59

Block for sure. Next time some man wants to dress you like a Barrie doll, block immediately.

Actually, you should be reassured that your instincts are spot on. Next time feel a bit more confident in trusting yourself. There is no need to text him ever again. The block is your answer.

Catsafterme · 27/09/2023 17:31

If it's one thing those types hate is being ignored and blocked. That would have been a direct hit to his ego.

Ormally · 27/09/2023 17:37

He spoke appallingly about his older DD due to her failing her uni exams and being caught smoking pot. However, he would dote on his younger DD. Spoke badly off his x DW who apparently cheated on him.

...Said he had many ex gf on his social media, no issue for him.

Think really carefully about anyone who does this, and why. Those people can't all be crazymakers.

You can say you enjoyed your dates and are pleased for him etc, polite distance, but that this won't work for you now.

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