Do you worry about this?

[Insecure]

I have changed my name for this because some people on here know me. The problem is that my DH and I never seem to have any time for each other with work/children etc and I'm worried we're going to grow appart. By the end of each day we're both exhausted and don't even have time to talk. I have this fear that he will have an affair if we grow appart. Does this often happen (people having affairs for this reason) and how can I prevent it?

Insecure, you seem to have identified the problem - no time just the two of you to talk, so rather than thinking about what might or might not happen if it carries on, is there something you can do to make time? What time do the kids go to bed? Do you go out / work in the evenings? Can you get a babysitter and go out every now and then?

All I think you can do is talk - frequently. After our 2 go to bed, we have dinner together even if it's 8:30 and sit and talk - about work, about kids and about the fact that we have no time either for ourselves or eachother. We make plans too - some half baked about how we're going to get on top of things andimprove the situation. Even if the plans never come to fruition, makes us feel better!

I think as long as you both understand and recognise the issue, there's less likelihood of someone feeling they're being side-lined.

even if you're too tired to talk, long hugs are good

I do worry about it because sometimes once I've come in from work, we've fed the children and ourselves, tidied up a bit (not much, we have low standards), talked about what needs doing etc, there isn't much time. But I console myself with the thought that we're both far too knackered to even contemplate an affair.

Insecure - I am sure this is a very common concern, I don't quite worry about DH having an affair but I do sometimes worry about us growing apart when we have periods of not having much "us time". I know it sounds naff but we sit down at least every couple of weeks (try to do it every week) to plan our diaries - this involves updating each other of stuff we have coming up but more importantly we put in 'dates' when we are going to spend time together - either going out for dinner, etc if we can get babysitting or even just having a nice dinner at home but making sure it is that and not slumped in front of the telly cus we're knackered. It really does work. If we don't do this then events can overtake us and we could easily go a whole month without any proper time together.

Have you talked to DH about it? Does he feel the same? He is probably missing spending time with you too.

Sorry, that wasn't constructive. Steve Biddulph talks about 'the 10 minutes that'll save your marriage', being the 10 minutes during which you make time to talk the minute you both are together at the end of the day. We keep trying to do it as I think it's a great idea in principle but damn hard to put into practice.

yes i think most people worry about this

Thanks for your replies. I do discuss my concerns with him and he always says don't be silly of course he wouldn't have an affair but I do find it difficult not to worry. We were really, really close before the children and still are but I just hate the feeling that we don't have enough time for each other and whether this will damage our marriage.