Unhappy

[Pennyanneb]

Hi just wondering what others think as I can’t decide if I’m being selfish and ungrateful or my feelings are justified.. I met my partner 5 years ago, things great initially, spending lots of time together doing things, holidays ect, I moved into his around 3 years ago, which is 20 miles from my work and family, I still commute 4/5days a week for this. Gradually we have spent less and less time together due to his work(6 days a week) and hobbies which he participates in most Sundays (certainly throughout the winter months. I spend a lot of my free time alone, which I’m mostly ok with as I enjoy my own company and can occupy myself with my interests.. it’s his house and he has said I can do whatever I want to it and I have done some decorating/gardening ect but he shows absolutely no interest in his house whatsoever and I feel I am getting to the point where I can’t be bothered putting any effort into it if he can’t. I’ve had several discussions with him about the lack of time we spend together snd his disinterest in the house, I have even suggested we move to a smaller house nearer my family/work so at least when I am spending do much time alone I can see my family or pickup extra shifts at work.. he’s having non of it. (He has no family here) He’s generous with money but not with his time.. I feel kind of stuck as I’m frightened of causing a big argument as it’s his house and he could ask me to leave and I would have to start all over again financially.. he says he loves me but I have told him actions speak louder than words and mostly I don’t feel loved. I actually just feel like a replacement for his ex, someone to hold the house together, cook, clean ect.. am I being childish, is this what relationships are like, is this how it’s supposed to be. ?? PS sorry it’s so long winded

I actually just feel like a replacement for his ex, someone to hold the house together, cook, clean ect...

You've answered your own question. This is exactly what you are.

Please want more for yourself than this.

First of all get yourself out of being in such a vulnerable position , you should not be fearful of having an argument and becoming homeless sort out some savings etc so you are not so vulnerable

You've become his ex's replacement cook and bottle washer. And for the love of all that is good stop with both gardening and decorating of his home. Why would he anyway want to move when you've done all that for him at your expense. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

Move the 20 miles back to your hometown and rebuild your life without him in it.

Yeah, you are in a vulnerable position. I found myself in one. Never again. And I will ensure my kids don't either.

Doesn't sound like you're happy. You don't care about the money, you want somebody who wants to spend time with you.

For me the house decorations aren't a problem, that's something you either do or don't / put up with. He'd be the same if you shared a house together. Men aren't really into it, Take it from a son of a mother who always tries to get my dad to redecorate/spend money and he isn't bothered.

Decide if you want to be in a relationship yet still feel alone.

This is not a balanced relationship and you seem to have taken on all the upkeep of his house without any input from him. Your interpretation is spot on, you are just a replacement housekeeper. Only you can change things. If you were renting before l would move back close to your family and friends and reclaim your independence.

Thanks everyone for your replies and honesty, think I know deep down the truth and what I need to do..