I'm done

[mummytotwoxo]

As the title says I'm done with my fucked up life, everything is going wrong. I'm so supportive to everyone and there well being and my own just gets neglected for so long. I people please and try to fix every other person and I get left with nothing I feel numb. I deal with my partners mental health I do everything for him and in return I'm just the punching back when he feels low (all the time) I've been living this was for so long I can't think anymore. I have no more tears to cry, I don't feel. I'm sick of waking up every single fucking day to mental abuse because he's in a mood about something. And I constantly get told I'm not supported enough. And oh yeah I'm also having an emotional/ sexual conversations with another man another thing to add to my problems. (Don't feel to sorry for DP he's done it to me more than once) and I can't stop because it's the only thing that makes me feel good. My life's a mess. im a mess. I don't know how to handle it it's out of control I'm done

You need to leave your partner. That’s the first, and biggest, step you can take to change your life and improve your mental health.

What is the housing situation?

You don’t owe it to anyone to be their punchbag (emotional or physical). Can you take steps to leave your partner, regroup for a while and consider if you actually want a relationship with the OM?

How can you be helped into getting rid of your abuser?. Women’s Aid will be of help to you here. The other man is predatory and has sensed an opportunity as well as a red herring and you need to block him from being able to contact you.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

Get counselling for your people pleasing tendencies from BACP. This likely started in you from wanting to parent please an otherwise a difficult and or an otherwise emotionally unavailable parent. You can beat people pleasing behaviour and have good boundaries as a result.

Can you take some time to yourself? Like a night away alone or even with a friend you trust and who’s company you enjoy? Just to take a step back and work out what you want. It definitely sounds like you don’t want to be there anymore x

My grandmother gave my aunt some advice that she passed on to me when I was struggling with a broken engagement years ago.

"If I know you're unhappy, I will stay up late and worry about you. But I will eventually fall asleep. The only person who will be up all night crying because you're unhappy is you. You do the best you can, for as long as you can, and then you save yourself."

This really resonated with me too, thank you so much. 😢

First thing to fix is splitting up from abusive partner. These types never let you go with a breezy "you're right, it wasn't working" so you will need to draft in the support of women's aid, the police, anybody in yr life who wants you to get free.
Sort things out one step at a time. I left a mad bastard in 2007. Its not easy but this life is more than just a read through. This is it. Make sure your life isn't a sacrifice to his convenience and your fear.

OP, it sounds like you have reached, or almost reached your breaking point.

And you sound completely overwhelmed.
And, you know what? its ok to get to a point where you just can't cope anymore. It's not a failing or reflection on who you are. It's simply that you are in a situation that looks impossible to get out of.
But it isn't impossible. It just looks that way right now.

Are you able to make a GP appointment and take a first step in letting them know, you just need a bit of help right now? If you find it hard to tell people how you feel, print off your op and just show them that. And say you need some help.
That is step 1.
and take each day as it comes, and accept any help that comes your way. There are places and people out there for this very situation, so use that.
please do not continue to suffer in silence.
You can work through the next steps, then with some support and knowledge of where to get support. And eventually work up to being able to leave this person who is abusive.
But take step 1. And hang in there.
Write down all the things that are bringing you down, and then take those small steps, one day at a time, seeing all the ways you can get those things out of your life.

Just end the relationship.