Should I stay or should I go?

[Anawana]

Hi there. My last post created some confusion, I had to keep correcting people which made me think I could've worded it clearer. So here goes, asking for advice once again.

I am a 30 year old woman. Met this 35 year old gentleman in January.

I know it hasn't been that long but we want to rent together soon as I believe the best way of getting to know someone is to live with them.

He lives in a house he bought with his ex. They broke up in February 2022 but the ex was refusing to sell initially. The house is on sale since last November but only had 1 viewing. The price is too much.

The ex refuses to reduce the price and my boyfriend agrees as doesn't want to lose money. He is already losing money each month however as the ex only pays £200 towards a £1000 mortgage payment (that's her half alone).

Now I'm in a position to buy a house on my own. At the minute I live near him in London but I can't afford to buy here. I will need to move to a more affortable area and neither of us wants a long distance relationship so it will be the end of us.

My rent is just over £2000. I feel like I'm losing money by staying in London and paying for my landlord's mortgage instead of mine.

I told him that I appreciate he doesn't want to lose money but in this scenario I'm the one who is losing money instead. I tried to come up with alternatives that would work for both of us such as moving in to his house or him renting out his house or renting together where I pay the majority of the bills till the sale goes through, but he wasn't keen on any of my ideas.

What would you do in my position? Stay in London and keep paying extortionate rent for the sake of the potential of the relationship or end it and buy a house elsewhere?

Go and buy your house. He's not that in to you, he doesn't want to make any compromises to live together.

One thing I would not do is move in with him.

Apart from that you have to make your own life choices. Which should be what is best for you at this point.

I would buy the house on your own, if you two then decide to live together, it’s for the right reasons. If you part, you’re set up with your house.
you can always rent it out while you rent somewhere together.

@Strawberryfieldsforeverrr that's what I'm afraid of. This is by far the best relationship I had and I love him. He says it's the same for him but actions don't seem to match.

If you're wanting children you need to be looking for a fully committed relationship with someone who wants the same realistically, I don't know if that's relevant to you.
Buy the house, he'll live there or he won't, you'll have your answer.

Judge people by their actions and not their words. Make your own plans and see what follows, if he loves you he will do everything he can to make it work

I tried to come up with alternatives that would work for both of us such as moving in to his house or him renting out his house or renting together where I pay the majority of the bills till the sale goes through, but he wasn't keen on any of my ideas.

I said it in your last thread. He's not that in to you. Focus on your life without him in it as you will regret moving a "meh" man into your home and your life. Find someone who actually cares about you.

I do want kids. We both do. There's definitely pressure from that, but I was fine for the last 9 months. Never commented on the house stuff. Up until he started mentioning not wanting to lose money, which was a bit jarring.

I don't know if he's not that into me. Everything else indicates that he is, but only this house issue. He looks to be having a decision paralysis.

I don’t think he is very committed, I’d be prioritising myself in this. If it’s meant to be it will still be I suppose

I don't know if it is the right thing for you but I wonder if it is possible for your partner to remortgage with you instead of his ex (with his ex's permission) and you pay his ex the equity from your money and/or remortgage so you and your partner own his existing house between you.

E.g. if his ex has 20k equity and you pay her out 20k and take over the mortgage. You and your ex would have the same equity in the house as each other - but you might have overpaid if you are right about the price being too high.

Is nobody picking up on the fact that this is just a 9 month relationship.

There are no rules but for me this is far to early to move in with someone let alone get a house together.

He's thinking of himself, so should you be.

Same as before, buy your own house then you are sorted.

Honestly, if I was dating a woman and it was all good and there were plans to start up together with our own place, I would want shot of my current house so we could move on. Take a bit of a loss on the house in order to move on, so be it.

Also, he's already on the ladder regardless of whether it's on the market it's still theirs until they sign. He has a home of his own already what incentive is there for him to leave...that incentive should be you.

Safety first, op. Get your house, men come and go but you need the security of a home.

Definitely get your own house.

I'd go ahead and buy your own house, he may say he wants the same things you do but he's standing in the way of you getting the life you want. How long before you resent him?

Prioritise yourself go and buy your house.