Online dating after separation

[Hopless123]

Hello.
I separated from my husband 3 years ago after a horrible couple of years. We’d been together for 20years, since I was 19. The last few years of our marriage was awful, he thought he was still 18, going out all the time drinking, doing coke and having numerous affairs. This really knocked my confidence, I felt I wasn’t good enough. It’s taken me quite a while to start loving myself again.
The other week i decided to join online dating as I thought it’s time to get myself out there as im
not getting any younger 😂. I started talking to someone and we’ve meet up for a date. He’s been talking to me every night and wants to arrange to meet up again. Now I’m really worried, what if I start to like him, am I doing the right thing. I’m so scared of liking someone again. Should I just not arrange a second date.

Has anyone else had these feelings before about being worried. Is this normal?

Thanks if you’ve read this far, any advice much appreciated.

That's the whole point of going on a date or to meet new people, is to find someone you like, eventually fall in love and share your life with them. You are as I like to call it " exploring the market". Don't limit your options straight away by seeing one person, find other candidates, see which one ticks most of your boxes or why not all of them before making a decision on who you want to see again; get close to or be intimate with. Don't be worried or scared and own this thing cause you deserve it.

Keep your boundaries up and explore on your terms, don't be coerced or dragged along into anything. Don't be afraid to feel a litte bit selfish sometimes.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve talked to a few lads but it never really went to a date or they seemed not right. I’m just worried maybe I’m not really ready for it or is normal to have mixed emotions about it all.
After not being with anybody for so I long thought it be nice to be wanted again.

Boundaries up and so long as you are having fun and being treated respectfully then go forward.

I think it’s totally normal to feel like this. You are stepping out into something totally new to you and that’s scary. But dating can be whatever you want it to be and you can go at whatever pace you are comfortable with. I would go on another date and just see what happens. If at any point you feel uncomfortable then you just step back. You don’t owe anyone anything and you are entitled to protect your own head and heart. Just be open and honest with them and yourself.

Thank you. I’m definitely stepping out of my comfort zone, but I do miss a lot of things about dating that’s why I thought I’d give it ago. Just been second doubting myself.

Just have fun, go on dates, even second and third, you aren't committing to a lifetime together. I dated a bit, was fun actually but then I met dp and the rest is history, sometimes you strike lucky quickly

Thank you. That’s what I want to have fun, and I find something with someone that’s great. I’m just over thinking everything like usual.

Absolutely normal to feel that way.
You were with your dh a long time and from very young. And to feel apprehensive, worried, scared even is completely normal.

I remember when I came out of a 16 year relationship, took me maybe nearly 4 years before I went on a date and I can honestly say the thought of kissing, let alone sleeping with another man terrified me.
But it was all fine. I'm well over that now! And so glad I stuck myself out of my little comfort zone and took the leap.

Just go on the date, try not to have too many expectations in case it doesn't work out.
And look for any red flags!
And one thing i'd definitely say is stick to your boundaries.

I'm a little bit like you. I ended my marriage at the start of this year after finally snapping after years of dreadful behaviour from my exH. I've dabbled in the online dating apps a little. Met one guy, decided it was way too soon and told him I didn't want to date.

Tried again a couple of months later. Lots of messages/chats - learning to weed out the weirdos! I had one date with a guy who was nice enough but so boring.

I was about to give up, then - I started messaging with a guy who seemed really lovely and on my wavelength. Had one date, it was fabulous. Dates 2 & 3 are already arranged. He messages me every day, I can't wait to see him again. But, I'm also terrified! I'm going to go with it though. I figure I deserve a bit of attention and fun for a change.