What is the ‘Normal’ relationship timeline?

[Twinboymum2010]

I know this is one of those things that like ‘how long is a piece of string’ but I’m just wondering what people’s relationship timeline was? I am 34 and have been in a relationship for a while now. We both want to get married. I have a disability that is only going to get worse and I will probably end up in a wheelchair sooner rather than later and I really don’t want to be wheeled up to aisle in a wheelchair. I also want to be engaged for a fair bit of time to allow time to save for the wedding I want (not a big wedding, very intimate and immediate family only, but both want to get married abroad)but I really want to be married before the age of 40.
I’m just wondering what is considered a reasonable time to be together before expecting a ring?
what was your timeline for your relationship?
my partner always reiterates that is parents were engaged and married within 6 months of meeting but then in the same breath says he doesn’t want to rush
I’m not all about marriage. It’s not the be all and end all and honestly if my partner was against marriage then I still would be with him and wouldnt affect how much I love him but I can’t help but wonder

Moved in after 3 months, first child within 18 months, married after 5 years, still married now many many many years later.

But one of them was Henry Cavill sooooooo...

Met at 20
Moved in at 23
Engaged at 24
Baby at 25
Married at 26
Baby at 26
Baby at 28

I can’t tell if you’re being serious…

We married 2 years to the day after or first date. But we were both over 30. I think if we’d been younger we may have strung it out a bit longer?

Met my DH at 27.
I moved in with him four month later.
He proposed about 18 months later.
We then got married 5 months later.
I was pregnant 3 months later.

So it was all done and dusted (and first child born) within 3.5 years of meeting him.

To be honest OP, at the ages you both are I would be questioning his commitment if he’s still not prepared to marry you. Words are cheap and easy to say.

In circumstances like this I always say judge a man by what he does, not what he says.

Met/got together at 21/25
Moved in together 22/25
Engaged 24/27
Married 26/29
Bought first home 26/29
Baby 28/31

Have you spoken to your partner about your feelings e.g. wanting to walk down the aisle rather than wheelchair?
I was diagnosed with RA at 23 and that impacted our decision to TTC a bit sooner than we might have done otherwise.
I was ready for my DH to propose a bit sooner than he actually did it and knew he would at some point but I didn't think he would actually get organised to - when he did propose it was a surprise 🙂

My timeline(s)

Met at 20
Proposed about 23/24
Moved in together 26
Married 28
Kids at 35 & 37
Divorced 45

2nd partner
Met 48
no proposal or moving in yet. Still together at 51

Everyones' timeline is going to be unique to them - i think trying to get a "normal" is a waste of time TBH.
You've said that marriage is not a deal breaker for you - and you'd stay with him even if he didn't want marriage. maybe he's picking up on that and thats why he's in no rush?? You need to have a frank conversation with him and make a plan for your specific timeline. I can understand why you'd want to get married before you have a need for a wheelchair. Like a PP said - you dont need to be engaged to start saving, nor do you have to be engaged for a long period.

Met DH at 32
Moved in together 33
Engaged 35
Married 36
DC1 38
DC2 39

Marriage isn’t something that happens to you like a car accident. It’s something that you decide to do.
Have you proposed to him? His responses seem very evasive to me for a 2yr long cohabiting relationship.

For it is worth DH and I married less than a year after we met.

Just propose to him if you want to get married.
Fwiw timeline for me
Met at 19
Got together at 21
Moved in at 23
Engaged at 26
Married at 26
Baby at 30
Baby #2 at 32
So far happily ever after until 46

There is no ‘normal’.

DH and I were together for 21 years before we got married, because I didn’t want to, and then we needed to do it for a practical reason. I wouldn’t have done it at all had it not been needed. There was no ‘engagement’. We went down to the local register office to give notice at the next available appointment and got married at the first cancellation after we’d got leave to marry. We’ve always been happy. Marriage made zero difference.

In your shoes, OP, I’d be asking myself why I was being a passenger in my own life — you’re clearly the one who wants this. If you do, and you’ve both agreed to marry, fix on a date and make plans, and stop mimsying about ‘expecting a ring’ and musing on ‘when will it happen for us’. You’re a 34 year old mother of teenagers dealing with what sounds like a serious, progressive condition which must be provoking you to ask yourself questions about how you want the rest of your life to be. Act.

In your shoes, OP, I’d be asking myself why I was being a passenger in my own life — you’re clearly the one who wants this. If you do, and you’ve both agreed to marry, fix on a date and make plans, and stop mimsying about ‘expecting a ring’ and musing on ‘when will it happen for us’. You’re a 34 year old mother of teenagers dealing with what sounds like a serious, progressive condition which must be provoking you to ask yourself questions about how you want the rest of your life to be. Act.

Yes this

My timeline:
Met at 28.
Engaged at 29.
Married at 30.
Baby 1 born 34
Baby 2 born 42

Nothing is "normal", everyone is different.

For us, it was 5 years for engagement and then another 5 years for marriage/living together, then five years later our son was born.

That seems a very long time, and, yes, looking back we could have speeded it up a lot, but we had our reasons (family, health, etc), and we did a lot of things during those first 10 years, i.e. lots of expensive foreign holidays, which were important for us at the time, as was saving up enough money for our "forever home", rather than playing the property ladder and moving a few times.

Despite taking 10 years to marry, we were "together" as a "permanent" item from around the six month stage.

Been married now for 26 years, still in our same forever home, so the delays did no harm in the long run and in fact probably put us in a better position.

When I was 26 I got engaged a year after meeting my boyfriend and married a year after getting engaged. I am now 46 and have a house, a 12 year old and commitments and I've been dating 9 months and it would feel FAR too soon to get engaged. I think it depends partly on time of life. I no longer have to consider only my feelings (I'd marry him) but also my DDs feelings (she likes him but doesn't want him living with us).

Engaged after four years, bought a house together after five years, married after six years and trying for our first baby after nine years. However we got together at age 22/23.

We met in early 30s. Spoke sbout marriage after a year, got engaged after a second year and married 9 mos later. From meeting to marriage, 2 years 9 mos. I was 33, he was 37. Neither of us had dcs and wanted a family.

Personally I would talk about it after 2 years. If not engaged with a wedding booked after 4 years together I would walk. 4 years allows extra time as you are not looking to start a family but you do want to be married.

Talked marriage and babies after a couple of weeks.
Moved in after three months.
Married after ten months.
Baby after two years.
Been married 27 years. He’s the best man I know.

The problem here, OP, is that you are allowing him to hold all the cards in your life. Why?

I’d think usual after late 20s or so would be engaged 1-2 years after meeting and married a year after that.

@HenryCavillsWife You beat me I have had three proposals and rings.

Timeline for DH was I was 31 engaged after 6 months, married a year later. Been together 26 and a bit years, it’s our 25 year wedding anniversary this year,

Other not successful ones were engaged to childhood sweetheart grew up and broke up couple of years later. Bit of a gap and then was asked again when I was 30 after about 9 months together, I was unsure and broke up with him shortly after the proposal.

Lived together after 2 years, proposed after 4 years, got married just before our 5 year anniversary.

Engaged after 2 years. DH needed a fairly major operation 18 months in, so we put off getting engaged until he recovered. We married 18 months after that. DS born 2.5 years later. I'm 10 years younger than DH so the timeline also suited me having time to build my career, go on trips etc.
We've been married for 23 years.