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Original poster

Other women trying to interfere

20 replies

Daisymon · 25/09/2023 20:43

I struggle at times being in a relationship with my partner. He is such a nice guy. He cares about me, treats me right, buys me flowers and says he adores me. He said 2 of his exes were not nice people and others they drifted apart.

At times women he has previously chatted to when he was single or members from his running club try to flirt with him online or in person to see if they can get him. They even know he has a partner as he will post about photos of us. One of his previous dates commented earlier on a photo he posted asking how he was keeping. Sometimes he tries to keep it neutral or does not respond to these women.

He has genuine female friends who have I no issue with and he has met up with to catch up with as I know they are only friends.

It gets me down because I am loyal and have cut off people who would disrespect my relationship. I don't keep in touch with people I met on dating sites. Why do these women cross the line? How do I not let if affect me?

OP posts:
TedMullins · 25/09/2023 20:48

So they commented on a picture asking how he is? How else are they “flirting” with him? Surely the thing to be concerned about is how your partner deals with anyone flirting with him, why worry what these women are saying as long as your partner isn’t entertaining it?

HoneyBadgerMom · 25/09/2023 20:53

You need to place your focus where it belongs. Not on "other women" who are "trying to interfere," but on your partner who is allowing this to continue. While it does sometimes happen, it is not the norm for people to chase after someone who has made it clear they are not available.

If he isn't fishing, he needs to pull up his lines. If he has lines in the water, he's fishing. This is a HIM problem, not a them problem. He need to draw hard lines, out of respect for you and your relationship, and if he doesn't, there's your answer.

beeswaxinc · 25/09/2023 21:03

I just don’t see what the issue is. My partner is attractive and nice and gets attention from people he knows and people he doesn’t (from people he knew it was more when we were dating and not so much 10 years on!).

I just take it as a compliment, same as he does when people stop me on the street and ask for my number or whatever.

Jealousy and insecurity is a damaging emotion. It’s obviously normal to little bit so if someone is really laying it on and actively trying it, but just someone finding your DP attractive, if you trust him then it’s really a non issue!

SoRainbowRhythms · 25/09/2023 21:04

I fail to see the issue here.

Insommmmnia · 25/09/2023 21:08

I cant specifically see anything wrong in a woman asking an acquaintance how he's keeping

However this jumped out:

It gets me down because I am loyal and have cut off people who would disrespect my relationship. I don't keep in touch with people I met on dating sites. Why do these women cross the line?

You are loyal
You cut people off
You don't let people disrespect your relationship
You dont keep in touch with people you met on dating sites

Why on earth are you blaming the women in this situation instead of expecting from the man what you consider appropriate yourself

The ingrained mysoginy of blaming other women for the way your boyfriend acts in your relationship is incredibly strong

Why do you expect more from women you haven't met, don't know and who owe you precisely fuck all than your do from your own partner?

HerMammy · 25/09/2023 21:08

One of his previous dates commented earlier on a photo he posted asking how he was keeping
This isn't flirting,meme and women can be friends even if they previously dated. You seem very insecure and jealous.

Loubelle70 · 25/09/2023 21:25

HerMammy · 25/09/2023 21:08

One of his previous dates commented earlier on a photo he posted asking how he was keeping
This isn't flirting,meme and women can be friends even if they previously dated. You seem very insecure and jealous.

That's not fair.
This is on her OH..he should shut any of this communication with OW and tell them he is attached and its inappropriate, he is probably flirting back, also why tell OP if he shuts it down? No need. . I think OH is trying to keep OP on her toes so she knows 'how lucky she us' 😒...if that's case its controlling no matter how he comes across.

HerMammy · 26/09/2023 05:50

He should shut down any female asking how he is? That's controlling if you think he can't speak to women.

WandaWonder · 26/09/2023 05:51

If you have issues it is with him, he is a grown up is he not?

MaudGonneOutForAFag · 26/09/2023 05:56

You sounds quite mad. In what way is a woman from his running club asking how he’s doing flirting? How does this ‘disrespect’ your relationship?

MintJulia · 26/09/2023 06:01

You're dating an attractive man. Other women will put out opportunistic feelers. That's normal. It's how the world works. He's not responding to them so I'm not sure what the issue is.

I work with someone who has a crush on me. We've worked together for years, he's had a crush for years or so he says. He's polite and good humoured about it. I'm not going to 'cut him off'. He's a colleague, part of the team, part of work. But that's where it stops.

Being an adult, I'm able to separate the two. I'm sure your dp can do the same.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 26/09/2023 07:14

Meh. Last night I was messaging an ex - we broke up 10 years ago, he's married with 3 dc now, I have no romantic interest at all and frequently ask about his wife and dc. I even commented that he looked well on a family photo. If his wife is nervous about that it is not of my doing, but he/we have a history, I find it unusual for a new partner to be so damning about an ex/other women if it is purely platonic.

beeswaxinc · 28/09/2023 15:58

Insommmmnia · 25/09/2023 21:08

I cant specifically see anything wrong in a woman asking an acquaintance how he's keeping

However this jumped out:

It gets me down because I am loyal and have cut off people who would disrespect my relationship. I don't keep in touch with people I met on dating sites. Why do these women cross the line?

You are loyal
You cut people off
You don't let people disrespect your relationship
You dont keep in touch with people you met on dating sites

Why on earth are you blaming the women in this situation instead of expecting from the man what you consider appropriate yourself

The ingrained mysoginy of blaming other women for the way your boyfriend acts in your relationship is incredibly strong

Why do you expect more from women you haven't met, don't know and who owe you precisely fuck all than your do from your own partner?

What exactly does he owe her? Does he have to “cut everyone off” who gives him a passing smile? Never speak to work colleagues?

I genuinely don’t get what he is supposed to have done wrong.

As women we face so much in life, so much blame and criticism just for being women and looking like women. It doesn’t make that kind of behaviour easier to swallow when it is directed at a man.

If I had a partner who told me I had to no longer speak people who he suspected found me attractive, regardless of my behaviour toward them, I would end that relationship.

perfectcolourfound · 28/09/2023 16:31

Your example is not flirting. It's someone asking how he is. That's basic human politeness. You're being very unreasonable if you think he should ignore / block perfectly decent people just because they're female.

And if there are more examples where he is actually flirting, well that's on him, not the other women. If you trust your OH, you don't mind if people flirt with them (might even find it amusing if they do), because you know it won't come to anything.

Do you not trust him?

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/09/2023 16:43

I'm not quite seeing what he's done wrong here, but either way, your focus on the women is incorrect.

They owe you nothing, your partner does. If his behaviour isn't what you're looking for from him, then you're incompatible and in the wrong relationship.

MammaTo · 28/09/2023 17:23

Insommmmnia · 25/09/2023 21:08

I cant specifically see anything wrong in a woman asking an acquaintance how he's keeping

However this jumped out:

It gets me down because I am loyal and have cut off people who would disrespect my relationship. I don't keep in touch with people I met on dating sites. Why do these women cross the line?

You are loyal
You cut people off
You don't let people disrespect your relationship
You dont keep in touch with people you met on dating sites

Why on earth are you blaming the women in this situation instead of expecting from the man what you consider appropriate yourself

The ingrained mysoginy of blaming other women for the way your boyfriend acts in your relationship is incredibly strong

Why do you expect more from women you haven't met, don't know and who owe you precisely fuck all than your do from your own partner?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Certainlyreally · 28/09/2023 17:36

Loubelle70 · 25/09/2023 21:25

That's not fair.
This is on her OH..he should shut any of this communication with OW and tell them he is attached and its inappropriate, he is probably flirting back, also why tell OP if he shuts it down? No need. . I think OH is trying to keep OP on her toes so she knows 'how lucky she us' 😒...if that's case its controlling no matter how he comes across.

Show quote history

How is this on her OH?
this screams insecurity - why cant OH speak to other women?

BMW6 · 28/09/2023 17:47

I think you need to work on your insecurity OP, you are overreacting IMHO.

5128gap · 28/09/2023 18:01

Who do you think is to blame here OP? Him for not cutting them off, or them for disrespecting your relationship? If you think he's neglecting to do something to discourage inappropriate attention, you need to tell him what that is, and that it makes you uncomfortable. He can then choose to stop doing it or end the relationship with you if he thinks you're unreasonable.
If you think he's doing nothing wrong and other women are to blame, well, unfortunately, that's too bad. You have no say over what they do and don't do and can't make them demonstrate your view of 'respect', so you'll just have to learn to manage your feelings.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 28/09/2023 18:11

members from his running club try to flirt with him online or in person to see if they can get him.

'Get him' - he is not a can of beans in Tesco to be picked up by anyone at will. He's a man with freedom of choice.

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