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Original poster

Are people just more self absorbed these days?!

21 replies

NotLactoseFree · 25/09/2023 11:31

Recently, I feel like every time I turn around, there's someone centering themselves in ways that are inappropriate and I don't know if it's new or I just didn't notice before?

eg 1 at a milestone birthday party for a friend last weekend. A few people had been asked to say a few words about our friend. Lovely -lots of nice thoughts, a few jokes etc. Except for one woman who proceeded to talk for 5 minutes.... about herself. She only mentioned the birthday girl at the end of the story, "she was there for me throughout and I was so grateful."

eg 2. New baby in our extended family. Lovely. Lots of gushing on WhatsApp, congratulations etc. Cue BIL with a long gushy message that's all about how this baby is of a generation that could be his grandchild and how incredible is it that he's that old now... Also suggests the baby has had a tough birthing process?! WTAf?

These are just two examples from the last 2 weeks. I feel like I've got another one on the tip of my tongue but can't quite remember it. Why do people do this?

OP posts:
LaffTaff · 25/09/2023 20:20

I don't think it's new per se, however we live in a digital age where it's become the norm to be self preoccupied (on FB, insta etc).
There's also this culture now of 'speaking your truth', and taking it for granted that people owe it to you to listen.

I'm with you though OP, I find it indulgent and rather tedious.

Tribevibes · 25/09/2023 20:22

Actually I do think it’s new. People are more self absorbed these days and conversational narcissism is rife. It’s mad…..

stayathomer · 25/09/2023 20:24

I think sm and Covid just made people forget how to interact properly really- so they forget you should make it about the other person. It’s fair enough, 2 years without regular and varied contact will do that to people!

Tribevibes · 25/09/2023 20:28

@stayathomer

Was a problem way before covid appeared. We live in an individualistic, competitive society. Narcissism is encouraged and also rewarded.

Loubelle70 · 25/09/2023 20:30

I have noticed over last 15 years. Its really bad. I think once youve seen it you cant unsee it.
People do seem to be pre occupied with themselves, think about numero uno all the time and take take take. If you're an empath they sense this. Tbh now id have said ok ok enough about you lol. I wouldn't have years ago but i say no or interject or ignore. It saddens me that the world is this way

Loubelle70 · 25/09/2023 20:33

Tribevibes · 25/09/2023 20:28

@stayathomer

Was a problem way before covid appeared. We live in an individualistic, competitive society. Narcissism is encouraged and also rewarded.

This

Greenfinch7 · 25/09/2023 20:33

There is also the constant self-help message of: you are responsible for your own happiness; put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else, etc

These things are true and good to keep in mind, but should be balanced by compassion and thoughtfulness. Too often, they seem to lead to selfishness.

bonzaitree · 25/09/2023 20:37

Yes I think you’re right that some people are very narcissistic. It’s wild - everything comes back to them.

Original poster
NotLactoseFree · 26/09/2023 12:48

Interesting. Glad it's not just me. Another example just today although perhaps not as egregious.... yoga class. The moment the class ended - ie 0.1 seconds after "namaste", one woman says to the teacher, "before you go can I just say...." and then looks around the room. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who assumed she had something for the teacher or something - a birthday greeting or similar - but no... she wanted to talk about a personal experience. Totally fine in theory, and it was specific to yoga in a way that made it appropriate for the teacher, but the way she did it, it was clear she wanted the whole class to know about this personal thing that had happened to her. It was so weird and inappropriate.

OP posts:
GoodDayGood · 26/09/2023 13:48

Depends what you think is selfish / self absorbed I guess.
I think making a whole whats app about your kid is very navel-gazering , so 🤷🏼‍♂️

There always been people who want to make it all about themselves, it’s not the times, it’s a personality trait.

Lucious1000 · 26/09/2023 13:59

I am completely bored by people. I find most uninteresting these days. I've worked in 3 companies recently. I speak to lots of people but very little people ask anything about me, whilst I will know a lot about them.

I am getting closer to 50. Can't be doing with all the bollocks anymore.

What's the saying. If you want to make friends talk about their favourite subject.

Them

ToBeOrNotToBee · 26/09/2023 14:02

Yes.
It's very noticeable when a public figure dies and all the celebs post photos of them and said dead person, celeb looking their best and dead person not necessarily at their best.
It's always accompanied by text stating how much they will miss dead person, and how they will have a void etc, instead of giving an insight into the person who has passed.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

CherryCokeFanatic · 26/09/2023 14:03

Tiktok generation will be even worse tbh

MoonshineandMagic · 26/09/2023 14:08

Yes definitely - the 'speak my truth' stuff does my head in. Having a different interpretation of something doesnt make the facts untrue.

It can be hard to get the balance though - as a relative oldie I've spent enough years people pleasing to not want to do so any more so I do put myself first when I can. But I always try to explain why I've decided to do or not do something and if it would negatively impact someone else I'll do my best to find a compromise. And as my pet hate is people who make every situation about them (and there are a few in my life) I try really really hard not to do that.

IDriveMySupernova · 26/09/2023 15:04

I think getting people to give speeches at a birthday party is all part of the narcissism you describe. The woman who talked about herself probably didn’t know what to say.

I think there’s a lot of irony here. I mean, you’re expecting people to gush over one person, which is what you seem to be describing as self-absorption. What’s wrong with people throwing in some comments about their own experiences?

Bowbobobo · 26/09/2023 15:05

Can’t say I’ve noticed this but I’m old and people being selfish and shitty surprises me not at all!

Tryingandfailingagain · 26/09/2023 15:18

Yes

Social media has been a large driving force. Lockdowns/Covid definitely worsened it imo. I think an AWFUL lot of people my sort of age and younger are incredibly self-absorbed. (Mid 30s) Dh and I had our first child much younger, in our mid 20s. We have noticed our friends who have had children in more recent years it drastically changed them- overnight just selfish, self absorbed, hard work. As if they’re the first Virgin Mary. I honestly believe social media has a lot to answer for.

Loubelle70 · 26/09/2023 15:37

Tryingandfailingagain · 26/09/2023 15:18

Yes

Social media has been a large driving force. Lockdowns/Covid definitely worsened it imo. I think an AWFUL lot of people my sort of age and younger are incredibly self-absorbed. (Mid 30s) Dh and I had our first child much younger, in our mid 20s. We have noticed our friends who have had children in more recent years it drastically changed them- overnight just selfish, self absorbed, hard work. As if they’re the first Virgin Mary. I honestly believe social media has a lot to answer for.

Agree.
That's why i deactivated my facebook...twitter, Instagram.

Mary46 · 26/09/2023 15:46

Def finding people selfish and all about me. Was thinking lately nobody has your back now. Your right op. In my friendship group too unless I do all the arranging.....

Original poster
NotLactoseFree · 26/09/2023 16:27

IDriveMySupernova · 26/09/2023 15:04

I think getting people to give speeches at a birthday party is all part of the narcissism you describe. The woman who talked about herself probably didn’t know what to say.

I think there’s a lot of irony here. I mean, you’re expecting people to gush over one person, which is what you seem to be describing as self-absorption. What’s wrong with people throwing in some comments about their own experiences?

If th birthday girl had asked for that, I'd see your point. But it was her DH who suggested a few of us might want to say a few words about why we love her. Didn't seem unreasonable at a party to celebrate her milestone birthday....

OP posts:
Okaygoahead · 26/09/2023 16:35

I agree, and I'm finding it among people of all ages. The worst offenders I've come across lately are all in their sixties. One (a relative) who cannot let any anecdote or comment go by without countering with one relating to herself, no matter how absurd a stretch it takes. It's just so tiresome after a while. I actually told a friend the other day that I loved being with her precisely because she didn't witter on about herself endlessly - she actually has interesting things to say about pretty much everything else!

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