My partner is becoming less and less tolerant of our 6yr boy.
For background were extremely lucky that we don't have any behaviour problems, he's extremely loving and very cuddly, loves family time, loves school, he's a little crazy (possibly adhd) when having lots of fun he's prone to getting a little screechy with his excitement and bouncing of the walls. But he's very rarely naughty. Don't get me wrong he's not perfect, like all 6yr olds you have to ask him multiple times to carry out tasks, will occasionally (but rarely) test boundries, him and his 4yr old sister will argue, and he isn't always fair in these arguments, likewise neither is she.
But its like my partner just sees him as this big nuisance in his life. Our daughter is no angel, if anything she pushes more boundries, has more emotional outbursts, and is more defiant.....yet shes given the benefit of the doubt because she's 2 years younger and he has so much patience for her.
Examples of his behaviour with our son....
Scolding for making typical 6yr old jokes "daddy has a smelly bum"
Constantly moaning and complaining at him for being too whiney, saying he's scared of something, wanting too many cuddles, fidgeting too much during cuddles, not giving cuddles.
When me and son are having a really casual conversation and son loses focus, he will get told off by his dad and will then be demanded into listening to something stupid like me telling our son a joke.
He has no patience for his emotions, he may give him a cuddle, but the time he allows him to get over his emotions is unrealistically short, at which point he will be short and snappy with him, making the situation worse.
Our sons sillyness seems to push his buttons, he finds it irritating and has no qualms in telling him so.
After all this my son naturally gravitates to me in times of need, which also pushes his dads buttons.
He gets stroppy and irritated when i stick up for our son. He accidentally fell over the other day when walking sensibly and he got told off for that. I quickly stepped in as our son burst out crying and gave him a cuddle, checked he was ok and whilst my partner was shouting over me telling him off about it, i cut him off and sternly told him to lay off him.
Me advocating for him has become so common place now that our son will also advocate for himself infront of his dad when he feels able to, using what he's learned from me. This riles him up even more and then he gets told off for being a "smart arse"
His dad absolutely does not lead by example, he's very much "do as i say and not as i do" and it's driving a wedge in our relationship as he feels like I'm too soft and undermine him.
Its exhausting as this leaves no space for me to have any "off" days, because if i make bad parenting choices noone is there to be the "good cop" to take over, tell me I'm over reacting and calmly deal with the situation..my partner is just stood behind me making it worse.
Every so often we'll have a big talk initiated by myself about how his behaviour is negatively affecting our son. But it feels like I'm then parenting my partner, teaching him about the correct way to treat people and he similarly reacts in a scolded school boy manner, sits there silently, seems to be irritated that he's having to listen to me, gives little back, agrees with everything, says he'll do better. Probably makes an effort for a day or 2 then reverts back to his old ways.
I feel like parenting courses would be beneficial for him, but when I've researched this it needs to be made as a referral from health visitors, and seems to be more aimed at helping parents who are struggeling with children who have challenging behaviour, which is not our case.
Does anyone know of any private courses that would be helpful?
I'm pretty certain this is a deep rooted issue that stems from his upbringing but he's doubtful of this, and when therapy for himself has been suggested it's never materialises into anything, with "cost" being the issue.