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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Meeting an Ex

8 replies

WendyAnon00 · 25/09/2023 07:11

For background I've recently over the summer moved out of the marital home with my 2 children. My new house is full of peace and I'm very very happy. As are the children. We moved from an emotional abusive home with a lot of financial control. No real intimate relationship with seperated husband, by his own admission he withheld affection and intimacy because he wasn't happy with how I cleaned the house!! In hindsight I should have left a long long time ago especially as I knew he'd had/was having a fling with someone at work. I think I was clinging on to the ideal of what we could have been as a family of 4. Anyhow I'm in a much better place now and I'm financially independent, calm and peaceful home, happy children and just pleasing myself. Which is something I've not done in a long time as I've always had to explain what I've spent and where I've been.
Out of no where, an ex, whom I've not spoken to for about 10 years or seen for about 14 years got in touch over a subject that was on the news lately. Random I know but it was a mutual interest. Asked how I am and if I'd like a catch up. After lots of arguing with myself and with encouragement from my mum and friend... I went.
It was wonderful, he was interested in what I said, we had a laugh, shared stories of the past decade, still on the same wave length. There is a bit of an age gap and when we were first together I was in my early twenties and him in his late thirties. I felt overwhelmed as didn't have life experience and after a year of dating we parted ways. It was sad but I was at university.
But I feel on cloud 9 since I left him, we've said it would be great to see eachother again.
My point of this post is that I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I'm entitled to enjoy someone's company and feel like I'm interesting and still have some charm? I've done nothing wrong? I deserve to have some adult company and go and do nice things?
I've been starved of this for so long and lived in a marital home where I've been the single parent for so long and it was so lonely.
Thoughts!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 07:15

Yes, you deserve adult company etc, but be careful of getting in too deep too soon. Maintain your newly found independence.

WendyAnon00 · 25/09/2023 07:18

He loves 60 miles away and I'm busy working and with thie children and hobbies etc. So it would only be advice "dates" when I have the free time. He knows this. I'm keen to keep my independence and enjoy pleasing myself.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 25/09/2023 07:19

Go for it but take your time .. I would also advise you do the freedom program you are more vulnerable ..

WendyAnon00 · 25/09/2023 07:20

Ooo I've not heard of this, will look it up. Thanks

OP posts:
Oldthyme · 25/09/2023 07:30

Take your time. Your kids have been through a lot. You are enjoying what must have taken huge courage to achieve.

Enjoy it when you see him but for now go really slowly. Your front door is your drawbridge. Home is your haven. Let no man tear it down.

Epidote · 25/09/2023 07:37

Agree with PP, meet him but don't invest too much too quick and of course enjoy adult company.

Newnamehiwhodis · 25/09/2023 07:37

what others said … take your time, & Freedom programme.
ive just noticed when I’m finally happy and free, feeling good and strong, that’s invariably when some man comes in and wrecks my peace. 😂

I’m kind of kidding, but also not. Just savor your life , keep healing, and enjoy but be VERY careful!

medianewbie · 25/09/2023 07:37

You are toughly where I was 6 years ago. HE & I had a relationship, (mostly of 'advice dates' as 350m apart & I didn't want my children to know). We had 6 precious years: but he died last spring (aged 72). I miss him terribly.
It was good for me to be able to see myself differently, value myself again.
I hope you are able to enjoy this man's company and experience yourself as newly valuable whilst also maintaining your hardwon independence. Bonne chance ! x

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