Need advice

[Sarahjox]

Was with my ex for over 10 years we have children together.
weve been spilt for quite a while and he has a new girlfriend.
they keep breaking up and he always comes to me for somewhere to go. He rings me at stupid o’clock in the morning and I keep falling for it.
It’s been going on for years now and I do still have feelings for him and that’s why I keep helping.
I just don’t know how to break the cycle of helping him when I know I shouldn’t because it’s starting to affect me.
I really just need some advice on how to move on from this, I want to tell him how I feel in the hope of moving on but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do when he has a partner but I also don’t want him to keep wanting to stay at my house every few weeks when they break up.

He's treating you very badly and using you so why would you want him back? You can't carry on like this, it's stopping you from finding anyone else and/or stopping you from getting over him.
Next time he calls, just say no. It's that simple. You're making yourself a doormat and making life too easy for him. Time to stop.

Turn your phone off!

If he is phoning at stupid o'clock- you shouldn't be available.
You are convenient - a fall back position for when he falls out with new g/f
He is using you
If you are not available he will have to make other plans and this will help you move on

You deserve better

Block and delete his number

They have children together so blocking and deleting isn’t really an option!

The first practical step is easy, don’t answer your phone to him at stupid o clock when you’re at your weakest. If he asks in normal hours practice saying ‘I really think it’s best for you, me and your relationship if you don’t stay here’.

At the same time you need to move on emotionally, this is blocking your own happiness now and in the future. Are you doing things for yourself to remind you that there are other things in life rather than him?

Next time he’s back at your house tell him this is the last time you’ll be able to provide board and lodgings for him and he needs to find somewhere else.

Then when he asks again, tell him no. And stick to it.

He’s playing on your good nature, and probably knows you still have feelings for him and that’s why you keep saying yes - so give him advanced warning then he can’t complain he didn’t know/has nowhere to go because that’s on him then for not listening to you and finding his own place.

“No, because neither of us can move on properly all the time you keep coming back.”
“No, because we’ve been split up x length of time now and you should have your own place by now”
“No, because I said so.”
“No. Enough is enough now.”

Quite simple switch your phone off when you go the bed. Just be strong and tell him you can’t help him and sign post him to sources of help

‘Unfortunately that doesn’t work for me right now.’

rinse and repeat. You don’t owe him anything.